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Six Months? The only words that come to mind when I think about it being six months since Aaron passed away are:
YOU MUST BE JOKING!
Not only doesn't it feel like it has been six months, HALF A YEAR, but it also still doesn't even feel like it is real yet. I was talking to my friend Liz today about that and we were talking about when it is supposed to start feeling real. It still doesn't feel real to her either. When I think about it seriously, I know that it is real, but why doesn't it FEEL real? I just don't understand it.
I have come across a few things this week that have made this week feel happier. I have found some cards and letters that I wrote to Aaron that he kept. I was so grateful that I found them and even more grateful that he had kept them. I also found a journal that he and I started writing in right after we got married. There are only a few entries in it from each of us, but the words written in there are treasures. It brought back the memories of how we were and how we felt when we first got married. I loved reading Aaron's words again and I just cried and cried out of happiness, but then when I read the last entry and turned the page and saw no more entries, it was heartbreaking. I needed more.
Anyhow, these six months have been the most difficult months that I can ever imagine going through. When people ask if things are getting easier, I always tell them that some things are getting easier, but a lot of things are getting harder. I won't go into it right now about which things are which, but overall, I would say that some things are A LOT harder than when it first happened.
I miss Aaron so much. Selfishly, I want him back... but knowing where he is and that he would be so happy there, I know that the cares and pains of this world are no longer an issue for him. I know he is around us, but I miss him so much. WE miss him so much.
I love you Aaron, with everything that I am...
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