Thursday, May 29, 2008

Six Months...

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Six Months? The only words that come to mind when I think about it being six months since Aaron passed away are:
YOU MUST BE JOKING!
Not only doesn't it feel like it has been six months, HALF A YEAR, but it also still doesn't even feel like it is real yet. I was talking to my friend Liz today about that and we were talking about when it is supposed to start feeling real. It still doesn't feel real to her either. When I think about it seriously, I know that it is real, but why doesn't it FEEL real? I just don't understand it.
I have come across a few things this week that have made this week feel happier. I have found some cards and letters that I wrote to Aaron that he kept. I was so grateful that I found them and even more grateful that he had kept them. I also found a journal that he and I started writing in right after we got married. There are only a few entries in it from each of us, but the words written in there are treasures. It brought back the memories of how we were and how we felt when we first got married. I loved reading Aaron's words again and I just cried and cried out of happiness, but then when I read the last entry and turned the page and saw no more entries, it was heartbreaking. I needed more.
Anyhow, these six months have been the most difficult months that I can ever imagine going through. When people ask if things are getting easier, I always tell them that some things are getting easier, but a lot of things are getting harder. I won't go into it right now about which things are which, but overall, I would say that some things are A LOT harder than when it first happened.
I miss Aaron so much. Selfishly, I want him back... but knowing where he is and that he would be so happy there, I know that the cares and pains of this world are no longer an issue for him. I know he is around us, but I miss him so much. WE miss him so much.

I love you Aaron, with everything that I am...


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17 comments:

Mindy said...

What a treasure, to have even a few entries! I'm glad that you have had some happiness this week. Love you!

Emma-Kate Castricum said...

All I can say Leslie is I'm thinking of you often and hope you can feel the love so many people are sending you form all around the globe.

Em

LL said...

i smiled, alone here at my computer, when I read you'd had some happy moments this week. the letters and journals really are such a neat thing to have. i can't believe it's been 6 months either...he is missed.
I'll continue to pray for you and more of those HAPPY moments!
love to you Leslie

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you and always wishing, Leslie.

Wishing it wasn't this way.

Wishing you could have more happy moments than sad.

Wishing that the little man and the big man were together, with you.

Love,

Jane

Vicki said...

Still thinking of you and praying for you daily, Leslie. I don't know how you cope with this trial that you've had the past half a year. What I do know is that you are a strong woman and trials make us even stronger and I am blessed to have you as a cousin! :-) I love reading each and every one of your posts and I love seeing all of your pictures! Love you lots!

dani said...

leslie, i don't think it seems real to you, yet, because you have kept aaron and his memories so close. plus, you have a most beautiful, miniature aaron face into which to look every day... what a blessing!!!
love and prayers,
dani xx

Anonymous said...

I am so glad that you found some things that brought you joy. That is so much better than where you were just a couple of weeks ago.
I say little prayers for you here and there and I know so many other people do too.
I hope the feedback you get from total strangers gives you the feeling of support that we all send your way.
The pictures in the last several posts have been incredible. What a great library of photos you have. That is a Blessing in itself.
You know, I feel more and more like I know Aaron through your posts. I know your heart through the posts and we are all able to realize Aaron's character and his integrity through you... It is really nice.
I hope this next week brings you Joy, Hope and Inner Peace that you are so deserving of.
Count your Blessings and do something nice for yourself.
Hugs,
Rita

Tawnie said...

Love you Leslie. I hope you are having a good week. Be happy!!!!!

Joann said...

It's hard to believe it's been six months. I am so sorry that you have been hurting like you have for such a long time. I continue to pray for you. Thank you so much for last night. It was so amazing and enjoyable! I hope it's okay that I posted pictures of you on our blog! Love you, Les!

Karey said...

Time doesn't really seem to relate to circumstances sometimes. It was nice to talk to you this week. I hope you're finding the comfort you need. I love you.

E and T said...

Hi Leslie

How precious and wonderful to have those handwritten sentiments from Aaron. I wish that you had a lifetime of them.

Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you, if only there was a way in which they could take a little bit of your pain and sadness away.

Love
Elise

E and T said...

Hi Leslie

How precious and wonderful to have those handwritten sentiments from Aaron. I wish that you had a lifetime of them.

Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you, if only there was a way in which they could take a little bit of your pain and sadness away.

Love
Elise

K&K&kids said...

All I can think to say is...I am so sorry. Thinking of you and Aaron Jr. When are you coming for a visit? Love ya.

amanda said...

Someone left a comment on my blog as I posted about my mom and I really liked how they worded their advice. They said, "Don't borrow any more worry than you can handle". I thought of it as Christ has suffered all our grief and pain already for us. We shouldn't borrow it back. Let him succor you.

Jyl said...

6 months! wow! I am thinking of you. I am proud of you. Love you!

Sasha Fisher said...

Leslie,
I am always thinking about you and wishing you peace and happiness.

Kristi said...

Time is a strange thing. I am shocked that it has been that long. My thoughts are with you with each holiday and each passing milestone month.
Love you.