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I was at my sister's house last week and they have not yet put grass in their yard so there are lots of rocks all over the place. I was standing on her driveway talking to her and I looked down and this rock caught my attention. It was sitting pretty much like this and I couldn't believe how much it looked like a heart and it happened to be broken this way as well. So, I picked it up and I took some photos of it.
Of course, a broken heart is no stranger to me over the past couple of years... so when I found it, I could not help but think about the lesson it could teach.
Anyone who has experienced loss of any kind knows what it feels like to have a broken heart. I never truly knew what a broken heart felt like until Aaron passed away. I thought I knew, but I had no idea until that time. I literally felt like my heart had broken not only emotionally, but physically as well. The physical pain I felt was as real as the emotional pain I was experiencing. At times, I still feel the physical pain along with the emotional pain because Aaron is not here with us.
I was told time and time again in the beginning that someday, my heart would heal and I would be okay. In the beginning and for a long time after that, I didn't want my heart to heal... I didn't want to be okay. I don't know if my heart will ever completely heal, but I do know now that it is true... Jesus Christ heals us... if we let Him.
The healing that comes through the power of Jesus Christ is real, it is powerful, and it is within our grasp... each of us. All we have to do is allow Him to do what He has promised to do. Even though He has promised to heal our hearts and bring us peace and comfort... we still have to do our part by ALLOWING Him into our hearts and ALLOWING Him to bring us the comfort and peace and the healing that He so wants to bring to us. I have learned that lesson more in the past 17 months than ever.
Why is it that when when we lose someone close to us, we feel like in order for us to remember that person, we have to feel the pain over and over and over and cling to the pain with all of our might? Why is it that we feel as though our pain is what shows the world how much we love that person and if we try to move forward and find joy in this life, we are somehow dishonoring their memory? I know I have been guilty of this. I am still human and I am still stubborn at times to keep holding on to my pain and grief with both hands just to show myself and others that it still hurts and that I still miss Aaron... but if there is anything that the atonement of our Savior teaches us, it is that He did this suffering for us already. It doesn't mean that we should not feel any pain or that we are expected to move forward quickly after something like this, but it does mean that in order to truly show honor to the person we are missing, we need to live a life filled with joy as we remember the amazing memories we have with them and create new ones with those that are left behind. We need to decide to accept the offering of our Savior to take our burdens upon Himself, and we need to let go of them so that they aren't being carried by us both. That would be a waste. He is waiting and hoping to take our pain and heartache upon Himself so that we can truly learn to trust in Him and have faith in His promises.
I am eternally grateful for the selfless love of Jesus Christ. I am grateful for the peace, the comfort, and the healing that He brings to me each day. Life... it is a work in progress and it takes time, but the Savior continues to heal my broken heart and bind my wounds. I still struggle and I still fall, we all do, and He knows we will... but He is there to lift us up, bear our burdens, and walk beside us to the end.
'He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.'
We will always love and miss Aaron, and it will make him so happy when he can see those of us who love him finding joy and happiness here in this life even while we love him and miss him.
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