"Rest & Relaxation" in Oregon

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Aaron Jr. and I flew up to Oregon (thanks to my brother letting us use some buddy passes) at the beginning of March. We came to visit my brother Spencer and his family. The plan was to stay as long as we didn't feel like we were getting in the way, but to for sure go home before Easter. There are loads of photos, so... sit back and hopefully enjoy.


Luke and Aaron Jr. Luke is the boy cousin closest in age to Aaron Jr. He is three. They have had a great time together. Luke had his tonsils and adenoids out two days after we got here and was miserable for several days, but is back to his old self now. He pretends constantly that he is one piece of tractor equipment or another. He uses his hands as the diggers and even makes the noises of lifting or backing up. It is so cute.


Here I am pushing Luke, a.k.a. the airplane.


All of the boys. Luke, Benjamin, Aaron Jr., Spencer


Aaron Jr., Spencer, Luke
Spencer loves to wear basketball uniforms, so he wore a uniform almost every day... not the same one every day, but a uniform nonetheless. They actually have to put his uniforms in time out sometimes to get their point across. It is so funny. Spencer loves those uniforms. It is so cute.


What a sweet face, Aaron Jr.


Kristi holding Benjamin, 'lil Spencer, Spencer holding Luke
Their boys are so adorable. We just love them.


Leslie holding Aaron Jr.


Aaron Jr., the messy faced mad scientist.


Spencer and Spencer - Yes, another day at the park.


Luke, Leslie, Aaron Jr.


Leslie & Aaron Jr. & the 'fagon' (as Aaron Jr. calls it... he really means dragon)


Kristi & Benjamin


Spencer's back flip off of the swing. Great landing!


Kristi showing her... well, I don't know what you call it, but I have seen gymnasts do it on the uneven bars in the olympics. It was cool. I tried and couldn't do it.


This is me showing off my 'cherry drop'. Spencer got this great shot of me looking like I am going to face plant. When will I begin to act my age?


Spencer, Luke, Aaron Jr., Benji working 'the excavator'. - Yep, another park.


Spencer, Aaron Jr., Benji, Luke on another 'fagon'.


Spencer holding Benji, Aaron Jr., Luke


Mark & Suzy flew in for a few days last weekend to visit. It was a lot of fun. Spencer, Mark, and I are the three youngest of the eleven children in our family. Thanks so much to them for making the trip. I am very grateful. Love you both.


Suzy holding Benji. - Uh huh... another park.


Aaron Jr., Spencer, Luke blowing their bubbles.


Spencer & Aaron Jr.


Kristi, Leslie, Suzy


Mark & Spencer


Luke, Aaron Jr., Benji, Spencer - It was so much fun watching them ride this. They had a blast on this one.


Luke & Aaron Jr.
Kristi's mom sent an Easter package and because we were here, she sent enough stuff for Aaron Jr. to be able to take part. So, Kristi hid the eggs to be hunted and we all headed over to the park. Luke and Aaron Jr. decided that their buckets were hats.


Luke, Benji, Spencer, Aaron Jr. - get ready, get set, GO!


Spencer, Luke, Benji, Aaron Jr.


Spencer helping Benji, Spencer, Kristi, Luke


Leslie & Aaron Jr.


Luke, Aaron Jr., Spencer, Benji - showing off the merchandise. We had to trick them into thinking there was an airplane to get them to stop looking down or around. (I've used that too often on Aaron Jr... he was skeptical). Thanks to Kristi's mom for sending extra Easter stuff for Aaron Jr. He loved it.


Aaron Jr. This is another one from the park where Mark and Suzy were with us.


Leslie & Aaron Jr. Lithia Park. In May this year, it will have been two years since we came as a family to visit Spencer and Kristi's family. I had fun this day, but thought about Aaron constantly while we were here because the only time I had ever been to this park... Aaron was there as well. The next photo is of our family in Lithia park in May of 2006.


Leslie, Aaron Jr., Aaron

The last two photos are of that same trip, but in different places here in Oregon.


Aaron Jr. & Aaron fishing in the Rogue River.


Aaron, Aaron Jr., Leslie - Our Family

Even in Oregon, things have been constantly reminding me of Aaron. It didn't even have to be places we had been together... in those times, I am reminded of him because of the lack of memories in what we were doing or where we were. Times when I want to be making memories WITH him. Aaron's absence is noticed every moment no matter what we are doing. We miss him.
I am so grateful to Spencer and Kristi and their boys. They have all been so great. They have gone out of their way to make sure we had what we needed. They have shared their home with us without making us feel the least bit like we were intruding. They were there when I felt like I needed to talk or unload, but were also willing to give me space when all I needed was to go and have a good cry. Although from these photos, it seems like we were always going to a park, we also got to have a lot of relaxing time. It has been so nice. We will miss them so much when it comes time to fly back to Utah. I look forward to seeing family there as well, but we will miss being here. It has felt nice being away from 'our new normal' that doesn't feel normal at all.
We have had such a great time up here and I am SO grateful for Spencer and Kristi. I don't know what to do to repay their kindness and generosity. But I guess that is a question I will be asking myself regarding everyone who has done anything for us in these last few months. There is no way I can think of to repay all of the kind acts from people. Thank you so much for everything.
Thank you again Spencer and Kristi. We loved being here. We love you guys.

We love you Aaron and we miss you every moment...

* * *

Recognizing The Good While Experiencing The Bad

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I have had a difficult week.
There are good things about it... we are actually in Oregon right now visiting my brother, Spencer, his wife, Kristi, and their three boys. So, it is great being up here with them. Plus, another brother of mine, Mark, and his wife, Suzy, flew up for the weekend (they fly free since he works for an airline)... so they are here until Tuesday.

So it has been great being here. Aaron Jr loves playing with their three little boys (Spencer, Luke, and Benjamin). We have had a good time up here. They were worried about the fact that they didn't have anything majorly fun planned while we were going to be here, but I was glad... I told them that all I want to do is to just be away from 'my new normal' and that just sitting around their place would be fine with me. Well, we haven't only sat around... we have taken the kids to the park lots of times, gone to the store when items were needed, gone to the church some of the mornings to exercise with a group of women there... just everyday errands that need to be run. So, besides having to referee four little boys ages 1 to 4, it has been pretty relaxing. So, thank you to Spencer and Kristi for letting us come and stay for a little while. And thank you to Mark and Suzy for coming for a visit while we are up here.

As far as why this week has been so difficult... well, the reasons are too personal, so I am not going to share the reasons, they will be written in my journal... but it has been a VERY difficult week for me emotionally because of the reasons that I am not going to mention here. There are just such overwhelming things that come up that I didn't realize or even imagine myself having to deal with WHILE trying to mourn such a huge loss in my life. Things that shouldn't have to be dealt with and things that I knew I would have to deal with, but didn't realize they would be such a big deal until they were actually right in front of me.

One strange thing that happened since I got here was an experience I had with Kristi. I was walking into a room that she was sitting in and as I walked past her, she said something that sounded to me like 'your husband's here'. Those are the words that I heard come into my ears. In those few split seconds after she said that, my heart leaped and my stomach danced as I considered the idea in that short time that it was possible that he was actually here. Really here, not just in spirit. So, after those few split seconds, I realized reality a little and I said 'what?' So, she repeated herself and it was something completely different than what I heard AND she was actually talking to my brother who was in another room. After I told her what I thought she said, I started to ponder that experience and I realized that for me to even entertain the idea that Aaron was here, it was proof that reality has not sunk in for me yet.

I am still able to rid my mind each day of the idea of what reality actually is. Each day I have times when reality will knock the wind out of me and I will start feeling really uncomforable realizing that Aaron has passed away and that he is gone. I can compare these moments each day to mini panic attacks. The only time I ever remember having panic attacks was a couple of times when I was pregnant. There were some stressful things happening at that time and I had a couple of panic attacks. In these panic attacks, my heart raced and I was breathing so hard, but wasn't able to quench my need for air. They didn't last a very long time, but I recognized them as panic attacks. This is what happens for a few seconds each day when reality hits me once again, but on a smaller scale.

I am not saying that things aren't getting any better... we are healing... slowly. But it is just still so hard. I still feel so broken. I still have so many moments each day where I feel so weak and like I just don't have the strength to move, but then I will also have moments where I feel a renewed strength to accomplish things I need to get done. I know that someday, I will look back and see the progress that I have made. But I have never been through this before... so I am trying desperately to navigate my way through this trial. No one can do the navigating for me, I have to do it myself with the Lord to guide me. He has given me the strength and the courage to endure this. And I hope that I can not only endure it, but endure it well.

'...peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high...' -Doctrine and Covenants 121:7-8

It is amazing the people who our Father in Heaven brings into our lives to help us through different trials in life. I am selling my house since Aaron isn't here anymore, so my brother in law asked his friend, Rob, if he could help me out with it because he is a realtor. His friend, Rob, actually lost his wife last year and wanted to do it for free because of all of the kind acts of service people have done for him. So, meeting with him about the house and then communicating through emails and phonecalls about the house, it has been an opportunity for me to talk to someone who has gone through it. It has been extremely comforting for me to be able to say things that go through my mind and have him tell me that he felt the same way. He truly understands what I mean when I tell him the pains I am feeling. Not only is that comforting, but it is comforting seeing how far he has come in that year. Talking to someone who is ahead of me in this whole process... it gives me hope that I might be in a better place emotionally in a year. It is still painful, but he says that time is healing him and that he knows he is better now than he was a year ago. So, being able to talk to someone who understands, that has been a blessing through this difficult time. I can say I am grateful for that.
I am so grateful for the love and support that is shown to us each day. Family, friends, and strangers alike have done so much for us. Just kind words written with love have brought so much comfort and I am so grateful for all of the people who continue to pray for us. I know prayers are being offered in our behalf and I know those prayers are being heard. I am overwhelmingly grateful. Thank you to all.

Along with the difficulties this week, I have also had a couple of very spiritual experiences as well. These, too, have been written in my personal journal and are too personal to share... but I wanted to mention that I have had an experience that I received strength from. I know that our Father in Heaven is mindful of us and He knows what we need even before we do.

And now, if I am truly wanting to recognize the good, I have to mention Aaron Jr. He brings more joy to my life than anything else on earth. He is such a special little boy and I know he is a happy child for so many reasons... but him being so cheerful is what brings a smile to my face so many times each day. I love him.

Well, I didn't realize when I started how long I was going to type, but I felt like I just needed to get some feelings out. I try so hard to be positive in what I say and what I write so that I don't just drag people down, but I also don't want to give the false impression that I am doing better than I really am. I still cry. I still have so many moments of complete devastation and pain. I do still hurt so much. I still pray every day for peace and comfort. I still go through days when I know I am not functioning through strength of my own, but through the strength I am receiving from the Lord. What a blessing He is to each of us.
'I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.' - Philippians 4:13

I love and miss you, Aaron... with all of my heart.

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Times and Seasons

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My title for this posting made me want to take a year from our life together and put a photo from each season into it. So, here are photos from Summer 2004, Autumn 2004, Winter 2004, and Spring 2005.

In my section titled 'Words to Live By' in the column on the right, I chose this scripture from Ecclesiastes in the Bible for the month of March.

I try to choose a scripture that goes along with things that have happened or are happening or will be happening in my life and I focus the scripture on that. This is the first time I felt like sharing why I chose the scripture that I chose.

The month of March is the month that Aaron and I both celebrate our birthdays. So, even with the sadness I feel and the ache in my heart as I miss him so much every day... I have pondered a lot about the fact that even with the sadness I will always feel, there are going to be times when celebrating will be in order.

I knew that the month of March would have our birthdays, which are usually times to celebrate, but they would also be such a time of sadness as well because those days would be days when I would miss Aaron so much.

So, as I pondered on which scripture to use to demonstrate a time to celebrate even in the midst of a sad time in our lives, this scripture below came to my head instantly.

To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
a time of war, and a time of peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I hadn't read this one for a while, so once I read through it again, I realized that this scripture described more than just this month for me. It describes how the rest of my life will be at the times when it feels like Aaron should be there with us.

It says there is a time to weep and a time to laugh...

This is true for anyone. You don't have to have lost someone close to feel like weeping at times... but it amazes me that this was important enough for us to know that it was put into scripture. I am grateful to know that it is expected that we will have times when we are expected to laugh and also times when it is expected that we will weep. It is okay to weep.

And it is okay to laugh. It is strange, the sorrow and pain that I feel missing Aaron makes it somewhat difficult to laugh and smile right now. Even when it seems like smiles and laughter are coming so easily, I always have the sorrow and pain trying to push their way to the surface. It feels like a constant battle between my heart and my head. I know it is totally fine to laugh and to smile, but it doesn't change the fact that when I do, I begin wondering what I have to be happy about. Then the thought will come telling me that Aaron would want me to smile and laugh and to be happy. He would never want us to feel guilty for showing joy.

I am learning a little more each day that the Savior is healing the wounds in my heart, but I know that the scars left behind will bring on the feelings of sorrow and loneliness. Those are the times when I will feel it is my time to weep.

It also says that there is a time to mourn and a time to dance...

Just as this is my time to mourn, Aaron Jr. will do his mourning throughout his life when he knows what he is missing not having Aaron here. I know I will have 'times of mourning' throughout my life as well, just like times for weeping. I am still fully mourning the loss of Aaron. I miss him so much and the time that has passed hasn't made me miss him any less. While talking to my sister once, we talked about how in certain countries, they have a one year mourning period. This is a period of time that women are expected to just mourn. It sure would be nice if I could have a year where nothing is expected of me for this whole first year except to mourn Aaron's passing. I have been so busy trying to tie up loose ends and taking care of things that I haven't felt like I have had as much time as I would have liked to just sit and ponder and mourn.

As far as the time to dance... anyone who knows me knows that I am no dancer. Seriously... I'm not. But if I think about 'a dance' the way it is talked about in the song by Garth Brooks, then I can just be SO very grateful for the time Aaron and I shared together... 'our dance'. Now, as Aaron Jr. and I look into our future, Aaron would not want us to miss out on any possibilities that we will have to dance. So, there will come times in our lives when we will have our times to dance.

This scripture says exactly how I feel like the rest of my life will be. I will ALWAYS miss Aaron. I will ALWAYS mourn the loss of Aaron. But it doesn't have to mean that I will feel sorrow at all times. I will feel sorrow at certain times throughout my whole life, but that doesn't mean that I am not going to allow my life to move forward. Aaron would want us to remember him while we are living our lives and dancing our dances.

Thank you for our dance, Aaron. I love you.

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March 1, 2008 - Happy Birthday to Me.

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My Birthday Last Year... 2007... Snow Canyon
I know I have used this photo before, BUT... it is one of the better photos of our family in the last year.

Last year, I turned 30 years old, so Aaron surprised me with a trip down to St. George, Utah. We stayed in an amazing place and we went mountain biking in Snow Canyon. We took Aaron Jr. with us and he loved riding in the bike trailer and watching the scenery. It was so much fun and it was a birthday I will never forget.

Well, this year's birthday was my first birthday since Aaron passed away. An interesting tidbit of information: Three months since Aaron passed away would have fallen on my birthday if it hadn't been leap year this year. But because it was leap year, there was a February 29th, so 'three months' fell on that. My birthday was the next day on March 1st. It wouldn't have been the end of the world if 'three months' had fallen on my birthday, but when I realized that was going to happen, I was glad.

Back to my birthday... earlier in the month of February, my friends and I had decided to get together for another 'girls overnighter' at my friend's cabin in Heber. It just so happened that the best weekend for it was going to fall on the weekend of February 29th / March 1st... so I was happy that it was going to happen over my birthday. I knew it was going to be a hard day anyway and this was going to be a great way to try to be distracted. Well, the day of the overnighter came and my friend, Marilee, whose cabin we were using called and said she was sick, so the plans were going to have to be cancelled. I felt really bad that she was sick, but after I got off the phone, I was just a little sick myself thinking about the whole weekend being cancelled. I just knew this was something that I needed to have happen. So, after calling a few friends regarding the situation, we all started searching for another place to go.

We came up empty handed... I was actually freaking out a little bit inside just worrying about the feelings of loneliness that were approaching. Well, an idea popped into my mind... there was a bed and breakfast in Salt Lake that Aaron and I had stayed in before and I thought about the room we stayed in and knew it would be perfect for us friends. So, I called the bed and breakfast to see if the third floor room was available and how much it would cost. I talked to the owner and told her the situation and that we had stayed there a little over five years ago. I told her why we needed a place and why it was so important to me this particular year. I asked her about the third floor (it has a bedroom, a bathroom, a kitchen, and a living room area) to see if it was available that night. There were now 5 of us going and that would be perfect to split the cost. So, I called all of my friends who were supposed to go and they all said that was fine and it was back on. I was so relieved.





So, Me, Kerianne, Amy, Kaylynn, and Carrie all went to dinner at The Olive Garden and then we went to the bed and breakfast to spend the rest of the evening.



Kaylynn had made a cake for my birthday, so they sang to me and I made a wish and I blew out the candles. After that, we ate snacks, played a game, and we talked into the night. It was so much fun and I am SO grateful that we could still get together for the overnighter. Marilee was missed, but we will all have to try to do it again sometime soon.



The next day, we went down for breakfast and the two ladies running the place were so gracious. They seemed to love having us there. They had prepared a nice breakfast of fruit and waffles and orange juice for us. One of the ladies is a painter and her paintings are up all over the house. She has some packs of greeting cards for sale there and when Aaron and I stayed there, he bought me a pack of cards that had a lighthouse painted on it. That morning, I noticed the same Lighthouse scene was still for sale there, so I asked her if I could buy one. She GAVE it to me for my birthday. It is a sweet reminder of the time Aaron and I went there together.






Kaylynn, Amy, Leslie, Kerianne, Carrie

After breakfast, we went back upstairs, talked a little more, and got ready to go. From there, Kaylynn, Amy, and Carrie had to go home, but Kerianne and I had time to go shopping in Park City at the outlets. So, Kerianne took me to lunch and then we went shopping. We found a few good deals and were excited.

On our way home from Park City, it was snowing and Kerianne happened to miss a turnoff, so it took us through Salt Lake and we happened to be driving past the street where we could turn and be at the Salt Lake Cemetery in a matter of one minute... so I asked Kerianne if she had time for us to stop there. It seemed like a tender mercy from Heavenly Father that we happened to take a turn that led us past it. I had wanted to visit the day before, but it was so busy. So, it couldn't have been a better day for me to go... on my birthday. I got out of the car and as I approached Aaron's site, the snow had melted and for the first time, I could see the square where there was just dirt still. Since it is winter, they hadn't planted grass yet. It was very strange. I broke down and started sobbing because seeing the square area of dirt made me realize how recent Aaron's passing was. It made it still seem so very close and recent. It was very difficult to see that, but I liked being there. I miss Aaron so much.

Anyhow, after we got back to Bountiful, I got my car and headed up to Aaron's parent's house to pick up Aaron Jr. They had taken him for the night. When I got there, Aaron's Dad opened the door and I saw some decorations hanging up throughout the house. It still didn't click though and I continued to walk in and try to find Aaron Jr. Well, all of a sudden, Aaron's family (everyone who could be there) jumped out and screamed 'Surprise' or 'Happy Birthday' or both... I can't remember because I just was completely shocked. I couldn't believe what was happening.



Kerianne had been in on it and was under instruction not to bring me back until a certain time. She played it off perfectly. I have never had a surprise party before. I threw Aaron one every year for his birthday and now I know how it feels to be surprised. It was a little strange at first being the one who they were focusing on, but I can't tell you the wave of gratitude that camed over me realizing how sweet they were to try to make my birthday extra special since Aaron isn't here. I felt loved. They lit candles on the cake and I made a wish again and blew them out.




John Wayne and Leslie

We ate dinner and I opened very sweet gifts from everyone. April and Dave and Suzy, who live out of town, even got their gift to me in the mail on time. After Aaron Jr and I came back to my parents house, my parents gave me my nice gift and they sang to me.

I am so extremely grateful to everyone who made such an effort to make this birthday a special one since Aaron couldn't be there.

Once everything was over and things quieted down, I started feeling the loneliness creeping in and I was missing Aaron so very much. I will tell you all 'my wish'... my wish when I blew out both sets of candles was that I would be able to feel Aaron around me that day. It is something that I pray for all the time... I was reading on Aaron's sister Sadie's blog the other day and she had a Hopi prayer that talked about all of the beautiful things around us and seeing the person we are missing in those things. So, as I reflected back on the day, I realized that my 'wish' and my prayer had been answered. I looked back on the things I had seen that day and I looked back on the people who had made the day so special and I thought of Aaron Jr... and I realized that... Aaron was there all day.

Happy Birthday to Me.

Thank you Aaron... I love you.

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Surprise party photos courtesy of Christa. Thanks.

Three Months...

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Today, it has been three months since Aaron passed away. I wanted to do something special today, so I took Aaron Jr and Ode over to see Sheila (Shayla). Sheila is Aaron's horse. Aaron got Sheila a few years ago and fulfilled his dream of owning a horse. When I first saw Sheila, I was so excited. I thought she was the most beautiful horse ever. I have always loved dark brown horses. Aaron loved Sheila so much. He would go horseback riding often and he really loved to be up in the mountains on his horse. He was amazing with all animals, but before he passed away had recently been working at a ranch with troubled youth. He was doing equine therapy and was able to work around horses and youth all day long. He loved horses and he loved helping people, so they went hand in hand. He adored his job.
This is the first time I have gone to see Sheila since Aaron passed away. It was emotional being there, but I was so happy to take Aaron Jr and Ode there. Aaron was always excited to take Aaron Jr to visit the horse and he fully planned on Aaron Jr loving horses like he did. Aaron Jr loved the time he spent with his daddy feeding the horse or even taking little rides on her. When we got there, Sheila came right over to us. I am sure she recognized Ode and even something about us even though we didn't spend as much time with her as Aaron or Ode. She let us pet her for a while. She had her winter fur on and she looked so cute. We love her so much.
After Aaron passed away, I tried to think of who should get Sheila. It had to be someone who had a place for her, someone who lived close so that Aaron Jr and I could still see her often and so that Aaron Jr could ride her when he gets older. It needed to be someone who had gone horseback riding with Aaron and Sheila. So, the only person that could have been was my sister's husband, my brother-in-law, John. John went horseback riding lots of times with Aaron. They shared a love of horses and often talked about when John would be able to purchase a horse so that he didn't have to borrow one every time he went with Aaron. When I asked John if he would be interested and able to take on a horse, he seemed very grateful. He said that he had wanted a horse for a long time, but this wasn't the way he wanted to acquire a horse. Gaining this horse this way meant that he didn't have Aaron to go horseback riding with. Aaron is the person he went with every time, so now, he has the horse, but not the friend to go riding with. It is interesting the way life works out sometimes.
I am SO grateful to John and his family for taking Sheila. She needed a home and I am SO glad that she can be with family so that Aaron Jr can ride his Daddy's horse. Thank you John and Lisa.



We also took Ode with us. I wanted to talk about Ode for a minute as well. Aaron has owned Ode since he was a little puppy. It has been about 12 years. He is an older dog and is the best dog in the world. He is the most obedient dog you will ever meet. Aaron and Ode have been the best of friends for so long. Ode would be up at the door wagging his tail when he heard Aaron's truck coming down the street. He loved him and it is heartbreaking seeing him have to live without his best friend. Aaron treated Ode like a child, he loved him like a child. When Aaron passed away, there wasn't even a question of who would take care of him. If I could keep him at my parent's house, I would love that, but I can't... so Aaron's parents have Ode. I am grateful to them for letting him live there. They love having him so much and he knows that home. That has been his home before when Aaron lived there and now it is his home again. It was the only thing that would have made any sense. We miss having Ode with us every day, but Aaron's parents only live a couple of blocks away from my parents, so we get to see Ode often. We love him and when we are around him we feel a little bit more of Aaron around us.
Three months... I am not going to express how we are doing now as opposed to the first month. Each day... each moment is different. I know that time is eventually going to help with the wounds. It will always be painful when I think of what we have lost, but time will help us to focus more on the wonderful memories we have with Aaron.
We miss Aaron so very much, but how blessed we are to have Sheila and Ode in our lives who Aaron loved so much to remind us of him. And how blessed we are to have family to help to support us and to lift us up when we need help. Between family and friends and the Savior... we can make it through anything. I will never 'get over' the loss of Aaron, but I know that I will 'get through' this trial because of the strength I receive each day from those who love me.

Aaron... we will love and miss you Always...

*Thanks to Dan for taking the photos of Aaron Jr. & Me.

Sunny ? California

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Aaron Jr.
At the park on the first day.


Malia, Pearl, Aaron Jr.


Christa, Pearl, Malia, Sue, Grace, Goofy, April, Susie, Steve, Aaron Jr.
At California Adventure Park


Susie, Dave (blurry, but the best one I had) (Dave is April's husband)
At Disneyland.


Christa, Malia (Christa is Steve's wife)
At the beach.


Isaac, Nick (Nick is Sadie's husband)
At the beach.


Grace - let's go fly a kite... at the beach.


Aaron Jr., Leslie
At Disneyland


Aaron Jr., Sue (Grandma)
At Disneyland


Aaron Jr.
In the Finding Nemo ride. He loved it.


Leslie, Aaron Jr.
Also in the finding Nemo ride. I loved this shot of Aaron Jr, but what is my face doing?


Aaron Jr.
This was on a kiddy roller coaster. I was so interested in getting a good photo of him on it, I wasn't even comforting him through it. When it ended though, he didn't want to get off.


Aaron Jr., Mickey Mouse


Aaron Jr., Minnie Mouse


Top Five People: Leslie, Christa, Sue, Grace, Sadie
This was on the ride called 'Tower of Terror'. It was the only adult ride most of us went on that the kids couldn't go on. It was so worth riding on. What a fun and surprising ride. Thanks gals for the adventure. Grace, you were a trooper and so very brave.


April, Sadie, Sophia (Aaron's two sisters)
At the beach on the last day.


Malia, Susie, Sophia, Grace, Aaron Jr., Isaac, Pearl
The SEVEN grandkids in their Mickey Mouse ears.


Aaron Jr., Isaac
The TWO grandsons. We can't wait until Isaac is old enough to play with Aaron Jr. They will be great friends.


Aaron Jr., Steve (Aaron's brother)
It was really nice, Aaron loved exploring under the rocks on the beach. He could do it for hours. If he had been here, I could picture him taking Aaron Jr. to explore the whole time we were there. Luckily, Steve took Aaron over and explored just like Aaron would have. It was sweet and I am glad he thought to do it. Thanks Steve.


Aaron Jr., Steve, Isaac
Grandpa and his two grandsons.


Aaron Jr.
CHEESE!


Leslie, Aaron Jr.

This last week, we went to California with Aaron's family. I had a lot of anxiety about going since Aaron wouldn't be there. At one point, I had decided not to go... but decided to go after talking to Aaron's sister Sadie. I am SO glad we went. Yes, I missed Aaron so much... it was very painful at times. But, I was able to bond with Aaron's family like I have never bonded with them before. It was a bitter sweet vacation... I missed Aaron, I thought about him constantly, but Aaron's family helped me so much to have fun and showed me kindness, love, and support. I didn't know what to expect when we left, I had several very tough hours, but overall... it was such a great trip. I am grateful for the closeness I feel to his family and for the love they showed to me. I was able to have one on one time with each little family and it was such a delight spending time with them and their kids. We were able to share stories and memories of Aaron and it helped to take some of the pain away.
I am grateful that we went and I am very grateful for Aaron's family all making me feel so loved and so much a part of their family. I feel closer to them than I ever have and I am so glad of that. Aaron Jr. was able to bond more with his cousins and they all got along so great. I am excited for him to spend more time with them all.
As much anxiety as I had to go on the trip, I had even more anxiety the last day knowing we were coming home. Coming home meant that we would be returning to this 'new normal' that we are not used to yet. But we are home and I have actually felt so much better. I truly believe that the trip to California with Aaron's family has brought a little bit of closure for me. I am grateful for them all.
Thank you to Steve and Sue for footing the bill and taking us on this trip.


This was the only time Aaron and I ever went to Disneyland and the California Adventure Park, and I know I have put this photo on the blog before, but I wanted to put it into this posting. We had a great time with Steve and Christa.

We all miss you Aaron... you are forever in our hearts.

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