a little 'off'...

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Friday, Nov 18...
My heart has been heavy and extra sensitive today. I am not sure why, but all day today, I have felt a little 'off'. I haven't been able to put into words just what felt 'off', but that is just how I felt all day.

I am not sure about how other people feel when they have days like this, but when I have a day like this, I hate it. I hate it when I am having an 'off' day, but there is nothing to blame it on, nothing to attribute it to. I go about my day like normal, but it nags at me all day... wondering 'why do I feel so 'off'?' Even trying to talk through it today with a couple of people didn't bring out into the open what I wanted to know. Sometimes talking through things does that for me. Not today.

But then, when I am having a day like this, something will happen that wasn't on my mind at all, but it will happen and all of a sudden, it sets me off. It doesn't set me off in an angry kind of way, it sets me off in a hurt and emotional way... bringing to the surface the feelings that have been trying to erupt all day. But it finally gives me something to blame it on, something to attribute it to even if it has nothing to do with feeling 'off' all day. But, I think when this happens, it does allow me to feel some strong emotions and finally have a good cry.

As far as what finally set me off tonight... so that I could have a good cry... it is something that sets me off anytime I think about it...

Saturday, Nov 19...
Hmmm... I typed out a whole explanation about it last night, but then logged on today and had to delete it because I cannot share it on here. It would open a can of worms that I do not want to open.

I will just say this much. I hope that I am the type of person who always tries to make those around me feel wanted and important. I hope I never act indifferent towards someone who I should show love to. When others act indifferent towards you, it sure does make you feel completely alone in their presence. I hope I never make anyone EVER feel like they are alone when they are around me. I hope I will always be a person who shows kindness to others. I am not saying I am a perfect person in making others feel great, but I know that I am the type of person who is very mindful of how my words and / or actions are making other people feel. And if I even have an inkling that I have made someone feel bad, I feel horrible and I try to correct it as quickly as possible.

Unfortunately, I know how it feels way too often to be in these situations... where I feel completely alone even when there are certain people around... because of them seeming to be indifferent towards me. And it always brings pain and sadness to me.

It makes me that much more grateful for my family and the Lord... they all know me the best and they are the ones I can go to in order to feel loved and wanted. I sure do love them all.

We should all be more aware of how we make others feel.

Still not sure why I felt 'off' all day yesterday... but today the sun is shining and Aaron Jr and I built a snowman together. I don't feel quite so 'off' today.

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