Halloween

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Leslie and Aaron - Halloween 2002
This was at a party with Aaron's family. This was our first Halloween together. My costume, if you can't tell, is a gigantic candy corn. My Mom and I made this costume about 12 years ago.
Aaron was a superhero. If you can't tell which one, then I will have to tell you... before the party, Aaron started walking around our apartment searching for things to add to his costume... before we I knew it, my husband had been transformed into none other than...

BUM MAN !!!

Every time we dressed up for this party each year, Aaron was always something that he just threw together at the last minute... literally. I would get ready to go and tell him it was time to leave in a few minutes and that is when he would begin collecting items for a costume and throw it together. He was always something clever and funny.

Well, this year, in honor of Aaron (Bum Man), I decided that it would be fun for Aaron Jr. and me to dress up as the same characters as that first year that Aaron and I were married. So...


Gigantic Candy Corn and introducing...

BUM BOY !!!

Here are some side by sides so you can see both of them.


Bum Man & Bum Boy




Their costumes were almost the same.
White T-shirts with their sheild on the front.
Gray bottoms with a pillow stuffed into the bum part.
Boots.
Electrical tape placed around arms and legs for affect.
One of Aaron's speedos that I believe he picked up in Brazil.
And, of course, the hair combed just right with a piece of hair sticking up in the back.

Here are a few other photos from this year's party:




Aaron's parents and all of their grandkids.
Sophia, Pearl, Malia, Sue, Aaron Jr, Isaac, Steve, Suzie, Grace


I was taking this photo AND spraying silly string at Aaron Jr. I didn't mean to hit him in the face. But it turned out pretty funny.

On the actual day of Halloween, we were visiting Aaron's sister, April and her family. (the next posting will show our fun trip). Here are a couple of shots from Halloween night:


Aaron Jr. in his Halloween pajamas that has spiders all over it and a hat that I bought several years ago. I bought two of these hats. The next photo is from Halloween 2004 of us wearing our hats. Anyhow, Aaron Jr. was spiderman... kind of. :)



Aaron and Leslie - Halloween 2004


April, Suzie, and Dave - Suzie was a lady bug.


Leslie and Aaron Jr.

Halloween isn't my favorite holiday, but I enjoy dressing Aaron Jr. up in fun costumes and watching him get excited. It is another day each year that Aaron is missing. Even though I don't love it, it is still something that we would have done together as a family.

We love you, Aaron...

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I Hope You ( I ) Dance...

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Aaron Jr. holding my leg and saying "I want to hold you" today.
(and probably wishing I would just put down the camera already)

So, I needed to share an experience I had tonight. It is simple, but it taught me a brilliant lesson. We got home from a trip this evening (I will share a post about that when I get the photos ready to put on here), and after travelling, I was pretty tired and wanted to relax.

Aaron Jr. brought me a DVD that I bought several years ago for one dollar that had never been opened, but because there were kids on the front of it, he was all about it tonight. I put it in for him and as soon as it started, there was upbeat music and the kids on the show were dancing, so immediately Aaron Jr. started dancing and wanted me to dance as well.

So, I danced as well until the opening song was over, then we both sat down.

After the show played through one time (it was short), he wanted me to start it again, so I did. Well, the music started again and he was off of the couch in a flash and said to me "Dance!"

So, I told HIM to dance. He started dancing, but then stopped and said he wanted ME to dance as well. I told him I was too tired. At that point, his face dropped, he turned around, and started heading towards the couch to sit down.
I was sick. I realized that a simple NON act from me had broken his tender little heart. So, I immediately forgot about my tired and lazy desires and I jumped right up and started dancing with him.

His face soared. He was so excited and he jumped right in and danced. I grabbed his hands and started dancing WITH him and he was laughing so hard.

It was such a small and simple thing that I could do to make him so happy, which meant that I was so happy as well. If I had just sat there and let him walk back to the couch, I would have regretted it. I am so glad he wanted me to dance with him and I am so glad that I did. It made me smile and I will never forget how I felt. It was a tender mercy.

A simple act today saved me from a major regret tomorrow.

This goes along with how I have felt a lot lately. When I get impatient with Aaron Jr. or tell him to 'wait' or 'hold on' or 'in a minute' when he wants my attention, I usually think in my mind about how I would feel if I lost him and he wasn't here tomorrow. I am not perfect, but I am prompted every day to show an increase of love for him and for others. Like I said, I am so imperfect, but losing Aaron and having the regrets that I have has made me think more about the simple acts that I can do to make Aaron Jr. feel extra love from me. He SO deserves it.

FUNNY STORY:
At the airport today, we were flying standby, so they always send us through more security than normal. Aaron Jr. stood there watching as a lady frisked me (patted me down). Last time we flew, a guy actually patted down Aaron Jr. as well. That is pretty funny and not funny at the same time. Anyhow, when the lady told me I was clear to go, I started walking out and Aaron Jr. started following me, but then stopped. I turned around to find him patting himself down. He was doing it just like the lady had done it. He patted down his legs, his arms and then his torso. It was hysterical. I was laughing SO hard. Then a sad thing happened, he walked away from me while I was retrieving our bags and turned a corner and ran smack into a glass wall. The glass was too clean, I guess. His head literally bounced off of the glass. It was so sad and yet it was also funny. He got a bump on his forehead... poor little guy.

I am SO glad I danced tonight with Aaron Jr. and I am even more grateful that he asked me to dance. I love my sweet little boy.

and I love you, Aaron...

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Thank You...

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“God does notice us, and He watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs.”
- Spencer W. Kimball

It is the middle of the night, but I just need to write. I am sitting here with a heavy and painful heart, but also with a heart full of gratitude. I can't stop crying long enough to get to bed, so I thought I would write on my blog. Lately, I have felt like I am suffocating just like I did in those first days after Aaron passed away. I think I am doing better than I was in those first days, but I have been having a very difficult time lately.
Tonight, I need to share some gratitude for all of you...
I need to say that my family and friends have played a key role in helping me get to this point in this 'healing' process and I am grateful to them all. I hope they all know how grateful I am. Their prayers, their advice, their love, their help and comforting words have been SO valuable to us.
I also have to say that those of you who have been reading my blog all this time have also helped me. I do not know how many people read my blog. I DO know that a lot of you who read it do not add a comment... and that is okay. I love knowing that you read it because I just love knowing that people are getting to know the man we are missing and the man we love.
Those of you who read our blog and write comments to us, you have no idea how helpful you have been to me. There are so many strangers who have reached out to me and have offered their comforting words and also their prayers in our behalf. Often times, I will be up late (like tonight) reading through my postings and looking at photos of Aaron and I will see a new comment left by someone that I hadn't seen before. This happened twice tonight. I don't always leave comments on the blogs I visit, so I totally understand when people don't want to leave a message, but I just felt like I needed to thank those who have expressed their love and hope and prayers for us. You will never know how much it has meant to me to feel the love from family, friends, and strangers... who don't feel like strangers because of the love they offer.
I am truly grateful for all of you.
I am humbled by the generosity of your loving spirits and I thank you all.

I love you, Aaron...

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Eleven Months...

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Well, I thought this photo was appropriate this month since Aaron Jr. has been talking about how his Daddy is fishing lately.

Eleven months, WHAT?!?!?! As the year anniversary approaches, I am getting more and more emotional again. I have been able to go days without showing much emotion about the everything, but as the one year mark approaches, I am crying more and feeling much more like I did in the beginning after Aaron first passed away. The original emotions are coming out a little more knowing we are approaching the time when Aaron will have been gone a full year. We are approaching the time of year again when our final memories with Aaron happened a year ago. All year long, I have been able to show photos of what we were doing last year, or a couple years ago... but after November 29th, we will no longer be able to look back a year ago and have any memories of us with Aaron. I hate that.

I was talking to my sister in law, April, yesterday and I told her that I wished I could have FIVE do overs with Aaron. I wish I could choose FIVE experiences I had with Aaron and do them again. At first, I thought I would want to do over the greatest of our experiences together. Maybe take our honeymoon again and have it be the same as it was and just be able to relive it again. But, then I thought about it for a moment and I realized that those memories of our good times together were already great to look back on. So, I decided that I would actually choose FIVE of our worst experiences together and do them over. There are so many regrets I have that come with the passing of Aaron, I would want to go back and redo those times when things could have been better if we had known what we know now. Those bad memories could be changed into wonderful memories. I would love to have FIVE do overs. BUT, since I can't, all I can do is decide now to learn from those regrets and not have those regrets with anyone else in my life. Life is precious and how we choose to live it is precious. We don't know how long our loved ones will be with us... no matter what... it will always feel like they were taken WAY too soon.

We love you, Aaron... truly...

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Lila Anne...

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On Sunday, my sister in law (the family we were staying with in Oregon), gave birth to their 4th child, but first girl. They named her Lila Anne. Lila was my mom's baby sister who passed away as a baby. It is a beautiful name for a beautiful little baby. Kristi is a trooper. She had Lila at 7:00 in the morning and was home that evening at 6:00. She said she was bored. :) We love her already and can't wait to meet her hopefully sooner than later. Congrats to Spencer and Kristi and their three boys. She is BEAUTIFUL! We love your family and are grateful for you all.


Yet another 'good news experience' we are missing you through, Aaron. We love you...

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* thanks to Lisa for the photo.

Fifth Annual Girls' Overnighter

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Kerianne, Carrie,Rori, Leslie, Kaylynn, Marilee, Andrea

Welcome to a glimpse of our Fifth Annual Girls' Overnighter. Every year, around this time, we go up to Park City and shop at the outlets there, then we get dinner. This year was no different. My goal at the outlets this year was to find a pair of jeans that could become my favorite pair of jeans. I have lots of jeans, but most of which I have just been tolerating until I could find a pair of jeans that actually fit me well and that I love. Well, the very last outlet I was going to look in was the very outlet that I found my new favorite pair of jeans. So far, so good. They were even on sale and I want to kick myself for not buying two pair of them so that I can tuck one pair away for when these are getting old. Oh well.


Rori, Kerianne, Carrie, Kaylynn, Marilee, Leslie
(Andrea couldn't stay over, so she isn't in these two photos)
Sorry about the rays of sun coming right in through the middle. Luckily, you can still see Carrie's face in this one.
This year was a little more relaxed than last year. (you can check out last year's overnighter here, we were a little more hyper and energetic last year). This year, two of the girls were pregnant and could not have possibly done the crazy and immature things we did last year. We did, however, manage to stay up laughing and talking until the wee hours of the morning. I think the last of us finally went to sleep a little after 5:00 in the morning. Fun times.


Kaylynn, Carrie, Marilee, Kerianne, Rori, Leslie

There is just something about getting together with your girl friends who you have known for SO long. You know so much about each other and each other's past that you can get together only a few times a year and be able to pick up right where you left off. There is something wonderful about laughing with friends, crying with friends, asking the advice of friends and eating junk food with friends as you talk into the night.
We had so much fun. We had one of the best turnouts this year than most years and it was a blast. We definitely missed you girls who couldn't make it. Hopefully next time. Thanks to Kaylynn for driving us and thanks again to Marilee for the use of your family's cabin.

Last year when we had this overnighter, Aaron was watching Aaron Jr while I was away. In the wee hours of the morning before I got home, he left Aaron Jr with his mom and headed up to go hunting. This would come to be his final hunting trip he ever went on. How I wish he was just gone hunting right now and would be coming home to us soon.

Thanks to my friends who bring me love and support through these passing days. I just know we will always be friends. I owe you all a 'GIGANTIC' thank you. I love you girls.

Loving and missing you always, Aaron...

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Oregon {Part II}

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Actually, ALL of these photos in this posting are from northern California. We took a day trip there while we were in Oregon to go to a beautiful beach and also to see some redwoods.
This is a lighthouse in Crescent City, California. I believe the beach we went to was called Bullards Beach. If I am wrong, then let me know Spencer or Kristi.
There are a lot of photos, so I will keep the commentary to a minimum. I took approximately 300 photos that day and it took me forever to narrow them down this far. I might as well have my camera surgically connected to my hand. As Kristi put it when I said that to her, 'Go Go Gadget Camera'.
Enjoy... if you have time. :)


My sweet boy and Me.




When we got to the beach, all of the boys IMMEDIATELY went to work building a sand fort. Spencer, who majored in civil engineering, is all about constructing things to see how 'sound' he can make them. There were even sticks and twigs inside the walls to try to help keep them stabilized. Those were the first things young Spencer started to look for when we got there... and took them to dad Spencer. The young boys had a hard time not taking sand from the walls he had just built up, but it eventually all worked out.








Aaron Jr. had a blast running to and from the waves. He ADORES the beach and ocean. Like father, like son. Aaron LOVED any beach and any ocean he could get to.








Cute Kristi, ready to have her baby girl any time now.


Okay, and here is what the sand fort was built for...
Here are all of the boys inside the fort waiting for a wave to come so that the fortifications can be tested. Ready, Set, GO!






It was so exciting watching the water surround them on every side... and the walls still stood.


Once the fort stood the blows of the water, the flagpole was hoisted...

...and the flag was raised. Nice, Spence.


Spencer the younger, Luke, Aaron Jr, Benjamin
These four have had so much fun together over these past weeks. It is very sad to leave. Aaron Jr will go through withdrawals not being able to have three boys to wrestle with at all hours of the day. They are his buds.


And here I am... again... I could not get a good shot of Aaron Jr with the sun shining on his face because he couldn't look toward the sun. So, I stood him there for so long trying to get him to look up at me... and there he was, wondering why he couldn't go and join in on the fun down by the water with all of the guys. I finally had to just let him go. :) Perfect shot Kristi.













Simpson-Reed Grove trail at the Jedidiah Smith State park Redwood Forest.

Aaron Jr and an enormous tree.


Same child, same tree.


Aaron Jr, Luke, Spencer the younger, Spencer and mushroom




Spencer and Kristi's family with a tree that has fallen over... these are the roots. While I am on this photo of their family, I want to thank them for letting us come and visit again. We always have such a great time when we come. Thank you guys for the great time and the energy spent to help us feel welcome and have a great time. We love you guys SO much. We are sad to leave.












Aaron Jr walked up to Spencer and reached out to hold his hand. I thought it was so sweet. Aaron Jr knows who his Daddy is, what he looks like, and he calls him Daddy when he sees his photo or when he talks about him. But, he is young, so when other kids are constantly calling someone Daddy, something happens with Aaron Jr and he will start to call that person Daddy as well, until corrected.
He pointed to my brother Spencer several times while we were visiting and said "that's my Dad". This has happened often with multiple people since Aaron passed away.
When it happens, my heart breaks again and again. I wish I could give him his Daddy back so that he can have HIS daddy here to run to. All I can do is just tell him who the person is and then ask him where his Daddy is.
He usually says, "Daddy's home". On this trip to Oregon, several times when I asked him where his Daddy is, he said, "Daddy's fishing". Once he said, "Daddy's at work". One time, while I was laying by him on the bed, I asked him that question, and he said, "Daddy's fishing shark".
I don't think Aaron Jr even knows how true that statement actually has been in the past. The adventurous person that Aaron always was, there are photos of him holding a reef shark in his hands after catching it in the ocean. Just one more photo that Aaron Jr will love to look at and brag about.


Walking through these trees that day, and going to the beach and seeing the ocean before that... I was reminded more than usual how small we are in this gigantic world. The ocean and these trees are so huge, they just make you feel so tiny. But as I look at these trees again in these photos, and see how big they are, it reminds me of the chapter in the Book of Mormon (Alma 32) that talks about faith and compares faith to a seed. Each of these trees started out as a tiny seed small enough to hold in my hand, and they have grown for so long into these trees that tower over everything around them. They are majestic and ancient.
These past months, I have tried to work on my faith. Faith in myself, faith in other people, faith in my choices, and especially faith in Jesus Christ and in my Father in Heaven. It is impossible for us to see the big picture when we are so mortal, but when we have faith in our Savior, that is when we are promised that He will light our way and guide us to where we need to be.
Just like these redwood trees have been grown from a tiny seed being planted, we can plant a seed of faith in our hearts. If we nourish that seed of faith in our hearts by trusting in the promises that have been made to us and by praying and learning the words of God, then our faith can grow and grow.
I love that chapter in the Book of Mormon. It is just so simple to understand and yet it is one of the most important things we are asked to do here on this earth... to have faith in our Savior.




As Aaron Jr and I continue to press forward through this journey of life, I hope and pray that we can both have the faith necessary to help us reach our destination.

We love you, Aaron / Daddy. You are missed and thought about every moment...

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