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I can't stop sobbing. I went in to bed a little while ago and started praying and could not get through my prayer before the tears came. Once I finished my prayer, I started talking to Aaron. I want so badly to tell him what I feel, so I guess I thought that by talking out loud to Aaron... he might hear me.
I think I just hit a wall. This doesn't feel like reality. I feel like I will wake up any moment from this nightmare that I am being forced to sleep through for way too long.
I was going through some photos today... seeking out specific ones, but coming across others that I had forgotten about. As I searched through them and would come across ones where Aaron was laughing or smiling so big... it just hit me like a ton of bricks... he looks too alive in these photos for him to really be gone. How can he look so happy and alive in a photo, but in reality be gone? There is something so unfair about that. On the other hand... what a blessing to have them so that I can remember him that way.
Sleep just isn't coming. To lay there in bed without Aaron is so difficult. I never understood when people would talk about how they can't sleep if their spouse is touching them... I am so grateful that Aaron and I could both sleep while cuddling. There was nothing better than to be engulfed in Aaron's arms, feeling so safe, and drifting to sleep. I miss that.
I just can't stop sobbing. I feel lost without you, Aaron.
But, even though a part of me died with you... I know that a part of you lives on through me... and especially through Aaron Jr.
I love you, my Menino.
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