* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Me with Aaron Jr
Back in the summer, Aaron's parents got us all tickets to ride on the Heber Creeper (Heber Valley Railroad) a few days before Christmas. At Christmastime, they make believe it is the Polar Express.
They gave ever hot chocolate and a cookie. The kids all come in their pajamas. They read the story 'Polar Express'. They sing Christmas carols.
It was something we had been looking forward to for months. It was an exciting thing to look forward to as a family.
Once Aaron passed away less than a month before Christmas, everything to do with the Christmas season became things that I dreaded. I didn't want Christmas to come, I didn't want the Polar Express ride to come, I didn't want to celebrate. Aaron's parent's asked me over and over again if I wanted to still come with all of them. The truth is... I didn't want to go. I was going to be the only one there without their spouse. I truly didn't want to do anything that we had looked forward to doing as a family. The reason I decided to go wasn't for me... it was for Aaron Jr. Even though he would not have known the difference if we had never gone, he deserved to have fun that night. It was very difficult. I see why it is such a neat thing for people to go and do together as a family... but my time on the train was mostly spent thinking about what we were missing out on not having Aaron there with us. The tears could not be kept away. Just watching the other fathers with their kids and watching the husbands with their wives... it was just so painful. There have been and will continue to be so many things that we experience without Aaron that we had planned to experience together... so these feelings are not behind us. They are so fresh and new and these times will continue to be so very painful. He is so missed.
I am glad I went though. Aaron Jr had a great time. He was happy... and the experiences that he can be given that will bring him joy are experiences that I should not deny him. I am glad we went.
Below are some photos that I took that night. I believe it was the first time I had taken any photos since Aaron had passed away.
Grandpa & Grandma with all of the grandchildren
Outfits are from Grandpa & Grandma
Me with Aaron Jr
Christa, Steve, & Isaac (Steve is Aaron's brother)
Malia (Steve & Christa's daughter) &
Grace (Nick & Sadie's other daughter)
Nick, Sadie, Pearl, & Sophia (Sadie is Aaron's sister)
Dave & April (April is Aaron's sister)
Susen with Grandma (Susen is Dave & April's daughter)
Grandpa with Aaron Jr
Me with Aaron Jr (he isn't picking his nose... this time)
Thank you to the Harkness' for this adventure. Though Aaron was painfully missed that night, Aaron Jr had a good time. I am glad he got to have this experience.
We love and miss you, Aaron.
* * *