* * * * * * * *
Aaron Jr. has been obsessed with SpiderMan lately. It has been fun to see him get excited about so many new things. His cousin, Joe, has a spiderman hat and gloves and Aaron Jr. was always wanting to wear them at their house... so I finally got these ones for him. He has been having a blast with them. He points his finger and pretends he is shooting web and everything. It is so sweet. He is developing a really fun personality. He has pulled some faces lately that remind me SO much of Aaron as well. Seriously, there have been a few faces that he has pulled that were TOTALLY Aaron. It really takes me back when he does that and it brings back some great memories. It also makes me realize how much Aaron Jr. is growing up to be like his Daddy in many ways.
Aaron Jr. just lounging on Mommy and Daddy's bed watching some TV. SO cute.
I was chasing Aaron Jr. and he ran downstairs and hid in this little cubby hole behind his toy octopus. He thought he was so clever. I had to take a photo. I LOVE him.
Here are a few photos of us at the cemetery. We love to go and visit Daddy there. It is really peaceful. Aaron Jr. knows we are visiting Daddy there. I am sure he doesn't understand yet that Aaron is buried there, but each time we go, we talk about Daddy and we talk to Daddy, then before we leave, we always kneel down and have a family prayer there. It always brings a nice feeling for us.
Aaron Jr. and Mommy.
I have been having a tough time lately. I am still trying to be strong and figure out life again, but lately, the tears are streaming more freely again. In the first year after Aaron passed away, I looked at photos of our life together so often and it seemed to help. The past few months, I haven't been looking at photos as often because it has become more difficult to look at photos without completely breaking down. Last night, I was going through Aaron's mission photos and it was very difficult for me. Aaron loved Brazil and he was so happy in the service of the Lord. Those two years were the years that we wrote to each other from our missions and got to know each other. Those photos represent the man that I first got to know and fell in love with through letters. So, looking through those photos brings a lot of sorrow right now.
Aaron Jr. & Me. We miss you SO much, Aaron.
Over the years, when I heard a quote that seemed to have significance, I would type it up, print it out and hang it in our kitchen on our magnet board. I believe this quote is the one that was hanging there before Aaron passed away and has been there ever since:
"Commune with the Lord, He is your best friend! He knows your pain because He has felt it for you already. He is ready to carry that burden. Trust Him enough to place it at His feet and allow Him to carry it for you. Then you can have your anguish replaced with His peace, in the very depths of your soul." - Elder Dallin H. Oaks
A scripture that meant a lot to me when I was serving my mission in England was Alma 17:10.
This is where Alma and the sons of Mosiah are in the midst of years and years of preaching the word of God. It says in the verses prior to this one that they had many afflictions and had suffered much. Then it says that they were preparing to depart again to preach the word of God. Then it comes to this verse:
'And it came to pass that the Lord did visit them with his Spirit, and said unto them: Be comforted. And they were comforted.'
The reason this verse had significance to me at that time was that I had been praying for comfort at a difficult time of my mission and I didn't feel like I was receiving the comfort that I was hoping for. But at the time when I read that verse, the wording of it struck me a different way than it ever had before. Then, in my scripture study recently, I read this verse again and it struck me again. Here is why... I find it interesting that once they heard the words 'be comforted', they ALLOWED themselves to be comforted. At times in my life, there have been experiences I have gone through that were SO painful I didn't want to be comforted. Since Aaron passed away, there have been many times when I was so attached to the pain of it all, receiving comfort was the last thing I wanted. Even when I have prayed for comfort, I wasn't allowing the comfort from the Lord to help take away the pain. It is almost like pain becomes a friend to us. It is familiar, so we keep it around. There have been times when I have felt completely numb since Aaron passed away, so at least feeling the pain makes it so you can feel SOMETHING.
Anyhow, when I read this verse recently, it made me realize what I need to do. When the Lord is trying to comfort me and give me peace, I need to ALLOW Him to comfort me instead of selfishly disregarding it and ungratefully pushing it away. Like it says in the quote I typed above... the Lord has already felt this pain for me... I need to 'trust Him enough to place it at His feet and allow Him to carry it for' me. No matter how used to the pain we get... the longer we hold on to it, the longer it will take for us to reach our potential and become more like our Savior.
So, when the Spirit of the Lord is there to comfort us in our pain, heartache, sorrow, grief, struggles, or dark times... then let us all allow ourselves to BE COMFORTED. The Lord is there... always. We are blessed.
* * *