'Hope Ya Know, We Had a Hard Time'

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It is just after midnight after a long day celebrating Memorial Day. I don't have more photos ready from today's activities, I will post them later... but I wanted to write while my thoughts and feelings were still fresh. This is our second Memorial Day since Aaron passed away. It still feels surreal like we could wake up at any moment and this would all have been a nightmare.

This coming Friday I will be an 18 month old widow. I almost feel like I am a small child in this journey that started 18 months ago. Don't you think each trial in our lives that has a major impact marks an end to something and a beginning to another? I have always felt that way.

This is not necessarily a 'beginning' that I chose or even wanted, but since it has only been 18 months, I feel like I am still so young in this experience... like an 18 month old child who is learning to walk; learning to experience this life with joy even when they stumble and fall or when an obstacle is in their path that looks gigantic... I feel like I am learning to live again.

You know when you are teaching your child to walk, you walk beside them or behind them holding their hands to guide them and to help them balance? I feel like this past 18 months, I have been the little child with my hand in the Lord's hand as he guides me. I am learning to walk a new path... same destination... but a new path as He holds my hand to help me stay balanced until I find my footing and learn to run again.

This reminds me of a Song that we sing at church. Here are the lyrics and I have it playing in my playlist on the side:

I am a child of God.
And He has sent me here.
Has given me an earthly home,
with parents, kind and dear.

Lead me, guide me.
Walk beside me.
Help me find the way.
Teach me all that I must do
To live with Him someday.

I am a child of God.
And so my needs are great.
Help me to understand His words
before it grows too late.

Lead me, guide me.
Walk beside me.
Help me find the way.
Teach me all that I must do
To live with Him someday.

I am a child of God.
Rich blessings are in store.
If I but learn to do His will
I'll live with Him once more.

Lead me, guide me.
Walk beside me.
Help me find the way.
Teach me all that i must do
To live with Him someday.

I am a child of God.
His promises are sure.
Celestial Glory shall be mine,
if I can but endure.

Lead me, guide me.
Walk beside me.
Help me find the way.
Teach me all that I must do
To live with Him someday.

I am so grateful for the love of God, our Father in Heaven. We truly are His children and he loves us as a father loves his child. He is concerned for us as a father is concerned for his child. He is there to lead us, to guide us, to walk beside us, and to help us find our way. He wants us to return to live with Him again after this life. He knows each of us individually. He knows our names and He knows our hearts. He knows our weaknesses, our strengths, our joys, our sorrows... He knows the treacherous and seemingly impossible path on which we are traveling and He is there to guide us through. He is there to be our light in the darkness.

This is a clip from Elder Quentin L. Cook, one of the Apostles of Jesus Christ. I have watched it several times in the past 24 hours and it has brought me to tears each time. Please watch it and let it touch your heart... (pause my music in the sidebar above while you watch this) You can watch the whole talk given by Elder Cook by clicking on this LINK and scrolling down to the 'Sunday Afternoon Session' section on that page.



I am grateful for the people who have been put in my path in these past 18 months to be an instrument in the Lord's hands to help me as I have had a hard time. I have such great families, I have such great friends, even friends I have never met... and I am grateful for each and every one of you.

I hope Memorial Day was a joyful day of remembering for all of us. May we all remember those who have gone before us...
And may we also remember to lend a hand, or speak a kind word, or share a smile or a hug with someone who is having a hard time. They are all around us if we allow ourselves to be aware of them. We are instruments in the hands of God to serve, lift, and help others.

We love you Aaron and Bruce... we will remember you both always...

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