So, we hear all the time that 'patience is a virtue'.
Like I said in my title to this posting... patience IS my most difficult virtue. I am the first to admit it. When I say that, I am not talking about everyday patience, I am talking about the type of patience that we are expected to have as we wait for good things to come... as we wait for the true desires of our hearts.
A couple of weeks ago, I was teaching my Relief Society lesson. I have been teaching the 4th Sunday lessons, Teachings for Our Times, from the General Conference issue of the Ensign. The June lesson was on the talk given in the Priesthood Session by Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf called:
Continue in Patience
Elder Uchtdorf said in that talk that "without patience, we cannot please God; we cannot become perfect. Indeed, patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for peace."
During this lesson, I was able to share a few examples from my own life where patience was required... but not necessarily handled correctly. Losing Aaron was one of those examples. This life is a learning process, right? We are truly being put through a refiners fire. We are being molded and shaped into what we are supposed to become and what we CAN become. These trials and hardships and adversities that we experience here are supposed to be those things that mold us and shape us and refine us into what we CAN become if we respond to those trials and hardships and adversities in righteous ways. If we know that these experiences and our reaction to them are what help us to become more like God, then why do we fight against them with so much of our might? I am guilty of this.
At this time of my life, I am trying to have patience, but as time goes on and on and on... it is becoming more and more difficult for my patience to endure. I am struggling with this right now. There are some things where I have no choice but to be patient. Like being with Aaron again, it is not my choice when I will be able to be with Aaron again, so that is something that it easy for me to be patient about. The things of this world... those are the things that are more difficult for me. Happiness in THIS life... happiness that comes from having a traditional family life. Not only do I want this, but I want Aaron Jr to experience this as well. But waiting for it... some times it is easier than other times to wait. But wait I must. And as time goes on, as disappointments and heartaches come and go and then come, the missing of Aaron is like a roller coaster ride over and over again. I miss him.
In Psalms 40: 1-3, it says:
"I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord."
They Lord knows what is best for me. So why is it so tough to wait on Him? We want to be happy and we want it HOW we want it and we want it now! I know that's why it is tough for me.
Here is another quote from Elder Uchtdorf's talk that says it so perfectly:
"Often the deep valleys of our present will be understood only by looking back on them from the mountains of our future experience. Often we can’t see the Lord’s hand in our lives until long after trials have passed."
I pray every night for the Lord to guide me and direct me to where I need to be (or to 'establish my goings' like it says in those Psalms verses). I pray for guidance and I also pray for faith. I do pray for patience as well, but not as often as I should. That one needs to be every night... I need to pray for patience daily.
As I TRY to wait patiently, I look forward to the days when instead of looking up at the mountains of my future experience from the deep valleys of my present, I will be able to stand on the mountains of my present experience and look back down at the deep valleys of my past.
I must pray for HOPE. I must pray for FAITH. I must pray for PATIENCE.
All good things come to those who wait, right?
I certainly hope so.
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