Sunday, January 16, 2011

Happy New Year ~ 2011

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This is the fortune I pulled out of my fortune cookie on New Years Eve Eve. As soon as I pulled it out and read it, I thought it was a perfect New Years fortune.
As I have thought about this fortune, at first I looked at it and thought that it would fit better once I meet a great guy to sweep me off of my feet who is an amazing husband to me and a spectacular father figure to Aaron Jr. After Aaron passed away, I have constantly felt like my life will 'begin' again once this happens... once I feel like we have a complete or more traditional family life again.
I am ashamed to say this, but up until recently I have had a hard time calling just Aaron Jr and me a family. Not only has it been difficult to call ourselves a family, but I have not even thought about us as a family in the literal sense of the word. I also never wanted to have a real 'family' photo taken of us until our family felt complete again.
A couple of months ago, Aaron Jr said something that humbled me and woke me up a bit. I wish so badly that I could remember the whole conversation we had, but I do remember the end of the conversation that really hit me hard. Aaron Jr must have asked me a question about someone in particular where my answer to him was something about them being a family.
After I answered him, he asked, "Like WE are a family?"
He meant himself and me. After he asked this, it was tough for me at first, but then I said, "Yes, like WE are a family."
Isn't it amazing that we, as adults, can be taught such simple principles from our children?
Of course we are missing someone very important in our family and there is always going to be a void, a gaping hole, where Aaron is supposed to be in our family... BUT, the fact that Aaron Jr thinks of us, just the two of us, as a family is reason enough for me to change my way of thinking and adjust my attitude about what can be called A FAMILY.
I looked up the word 'family' in the dictionary the other day when it was really on my mind. It said:

fam*il*y ~ a group of people closely related ~ a group consisting of individuals descended from a common ancestry ~ a household

We miss Aaron so much. He is a huge part of this family. But since he cannot be with us right now, it is okay for me to call us, the two of us, a family. Aaron Jr thinks of us as a family... and he taught me that I can think of us as a family as well. And ever since that conversation when he taught me that... I have felt it and believed it.

Which brings me back to the fortune. 'You are just beginning to live.'
We do not need to wait around for life to begin. Each of us has the power to begin each new day with a resolve to LIVE. No matter what happens on any given day, we can wake up with a fresh day ahead of us. We can have a clear and new outlook on our future. A future filled with hope.
Tomorrow I plan to make a sign that says 'You are just beginning to live' and put it by my bed.
So, I resolve this year to wake up each day with hope in my future and the attitude that I am just beginning to live... that each new day is fresh. No matter what went right or what went wrong the day before... I am going to start new each day. Because each sunrise means another beginning.

Me with Aaron Jr just after midnight in the first few minutes of the New Year ~ 2011.

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Mindy said...

And what a beautiful family you two are! What a great "fortune"... I pray that it comes true fully for you.

LL said...

loved this post

DAP said...

Someone sent me your blog awhile ago as they thought a fellow widow would appreciate your insight. Tonight your New Year's post really hit the spot. I am going to hang it on my quote board. Thanks so much for sharing your heart and your life. It has inspired me and imbued me with faith and hope. I pray a blessing upon you and your darling son.

Lots of love...

Leslie said...

thanks gals. i love ya.

DAP: i take it from your comment that you are that fellow widow. if so, i am so sorry for your loss. its a tough road. i hope you are finding peace and comfort as you navigate your way through this extremely difficult trial.

write to me if you need or want to:

lesterlou33 at hotmail dot com

kerianne said...

this may be my most favorite post ever :)
So true... I love it. Thanks, Les.

Jen said...

Great post...great fortune and a great way to start a new year! Wishing you all the best and all the happiness you can possibly handle!

Scott / Lori said...

I love the fortune you received. I think it is true and I was touched by Aaron Junior's words. You are his family. Being the only family(immediate) he has here is a great responsibility for you. I thought of you at our Stake Conference this weekend when the speaker, Elder Keyes, told a story about his Sister-In-Law who was widowed when his brother died in a plane crash on a business trip. Elder Keyes had been helping her and was headed home when he saw a bumper sticker that said, "How heavy is the world?" In small letters underneath was "If you don't know ask a single mother." Elder Keyes said that hit him really hard. You are everything to little Aaron. But you are strong and tough and you can do this. Your life is just beginning and so is his! Make the most of it. I love you.

Anonymous said...

Peace and happiness be with you . . .

Lisa said...

wow. very cool. i can tell you are beginning to live. you seem to have more joy in life. i love you and am so glad.