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...the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord...
As I begin writing this post, I am feeling like it is one of the more difficult ones to write. Thanksgiving last year was our final holiday with Aaron here with us. He was struggling healthwise and as I look at this photo that was taken on Thanksgiving last year, I am just so torn apart knowing that it was the day which began our final week with Aaron here. I am falling apart tonight. It is the middle of the night and Thanksgiving is approaching way too quickly. This photo would come to be the last photo ever taken of our family and also the last photo every taken of Aaron. As I sit here struggling to even breathe tonight with tears filling up my eyes and streaming down my cheeks, I am filled with so many painful emotions. This month has been rough. I knew it would be, but this is even rougher than I thought it would be.
I was originally going to just write a few things that I am grateful for and leave it at that, but I am feeling way too much right now. I can't leave it at that. I had to let some of this out.
I am struggling to even put any thoughts together, so I will just put it into some pretty simple words that I think people will understand... this sucks.
I do want to share my gratitude today though. Even as I sit here sobbing, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for what has been given to me. Even though I feel such a huge and devastating blow at having lost my best friend and husband, Aaron... I can't think of that without also thinking about the gift that has been given to me... our son, Aaron Jr. He is truly a gift and a treasure in my life. The degree of pain I feel at having lost Aaron, I feel that degree of joy at having been given Aaron Jr.
Joy and Pain seem like such opposite emotions, so it is strange that I have felt both of them so intensely at the same time throughout this last year.
* I am grateful for my husband, Aaron.
* I am grateful for the brilliant memories I have with him to reflect on throughout my life.
* I am grateful for Aaron Jr. and the JOY he brings to our home.
* I am grateful for our families and the love and support they give to us.
* I am grateful for our friends and the love and support they give to us.
* I am grateful for people who have reached out to us throughout this nightmare year.
* I am grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and the peace and comfort it has brought to me thoughout my life, but especially this last year.
* I am grateful for the scriptures and the strength they bring me.
* I am grateful for Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrifice. I am grateful for what He went through so that He could know the pain and hearache I am going through. I am grateful for His love and the peace and comfort He brings to me.
* I am grateful for my Father in Heaven. I am grateful to know who I am and where I come from. I am grateful to be a daughter of a loving God. He truly is our Father.
* I am grateful for the principle of tithing. By paying our tithing this year, we have been greatly blessed to be able to meet our needs.
* I am grateful for cameras. I have to say, it brings me much joy and happiness to be able to look back through the thousands of photos that I took of Aaron. Those photos help to keep his memories alive so that Aaron Jr. can remember his father.
* I am grateful for our lives together. I am grateful for the life I was able to share with Aaron and the life we were able to help bring into this world to join our family. Aaron Jr. brought us much joy together and will continue to bring much joy until we are together again.
I love you, my sweet Aaron. I am grateful to you and for you...
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