* * * * * * * * A couple of weeks ago, Sue (Grandma Harkness) bought tickets for all of us to go to Disney on Ice when it came here on tour. Here are the grandkids who attended: Grace, Isaac, Malia, Pearl, Aaron Jr, Sophia, Evan Aaron
Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, and Goofy were the hosts.
First, they acted out the movie 'Cars'. Second, they did 'The Little Mermaid'.
Here, the kids are enjoying their popcorn and can't take their eyes off of what is happening on the ice. Sue got us front row seats down on the floor. We felt like we were right in the middle of the action. It was so much fun.
Third, they did 'The Lion King'. I was amazed by all of the costumes in all of these performances.
The kids again.
Fourth, and final... they performed 'Tinkerbell'. At the end, the whole place became Spring... flowers were opening up out from around the ice as well. It was really beautiful and neat.
Then we came outside to... NOT SPRING. It was snowing... AGAIN! I am SO ready for Spring. Aaron Jr. and Me.
Isaac and Aaron in the car afterward. They were all smiles.
Then... Aaron zonked out. I had taken him out of bed to go to this event... so he was taking a needed nap.
Thank you Sue (and happy birthday today)... it was really fun. We had a great time!
For Aaron's 33rd birthday, I thought it would be fun to share 33 things that I love about Aaron. These are just off the top of my head. There are many more...
* kind eyes
* gentle heart
* strong hands
* his laugh
* paint covered clothes
* his adventurous spirit
* his amazing talents
* his love for the Savior
* his spontaneity
* his looks (doesn't hurt ;)
* his love for people
* his smile
* his playfulness
* watching him wakeboard
* his cooking
* his pride in his ancestry
* his desire to help others
* his scruff
* watching him with aaron jr.
* his love for animals
* his generosity
* his obsession with FORD trucks
* finding sawdust in his pockets
* his friendship
* watching him fix stuff
* his creativity
* his work ethic
* his sense of humor
* his confidence
* watching him build furniture
* his strength
* his insecurities
* his love
The past couple of days, I have been talking to Aaron Jr about it being Daddy's birthday on Monday. He has seemed a little confused when I tell him that Daddy's birthday is coming up and he has said a few times, "but Daddy's dead." I am sure he just wonders how he can have a birthday if he is gone. So I told him that we can still celebrate his birthday.
After he said it today, I asked him, "So where's Daddy?"
His response was, "He's in kevin."
It was so funny. I was giggling to myself. But, I told him that it is actually called HEAVEN and had him repeat it.
These moments with him as he tries to understand exactly where Aaron is are priceless. He is learning and comprehending more each day. He is excited to blow out Daddy's birthday candles today. Happy Birthday, Aaron / Daddy ! We love you !
* * * * * * * * * * Okay, so I wanted to share some great news... I FOUND OUR WEDDING RINGS!
So, I have been praying so hard that I will be able to find our rings. They have been missing since the beginning of December when we sold our house, packed up, and moved out. I figured the rings had to be in a tin that I had put a few random things in. And I figured that tin had to be in a box with other stuff we had in our office.
Well, over the past few weeks, I have had a lot of thoughts come to my mind about places to look and boxes to try looking in, but so far I had not found them. When everything was moved out of our home, all of the boxes were supposed to be brought to my parents house and all of our furniture was to be taken to my brother's garage. I kept having a feeling that maybe the rings were somewhere in my brother's garage, but I still could not find the rings. For the most part, it was really just the furniture in there.
Last week, while I was searching for the rings, I came across the tin that I thought my rings were in... and I got really excited at first, but when I opened it, it was something else. I remembered that I had put my rings in something else to be able to use the tin for what it now contained. So... I started racking my brain trying to remember what other little contained I might have put my rings in.
Well, today, I stopped by my brother's house to say hello and felt compelled to go in the garage and look again... I kept thinking that it was hopeless to keep looking in there, but I still felt like I should go and see if there were any boxes that had ACCIDENTALLY been taken in there instead of being taken to my parents house. So, I started doing some climbing. I climbed in among the furniture and on top of some of it and I saw a box sitting down near the floor between some tall furniture pieces... so I went down and opened the box. The rings were not in there, but there were things in that box that I had also been looking for. So as I started to lift that box out of that hole, I noticed it was sitting on top of another bin / box that was all the way on the floor. So I grabbed both of those boxes and carried them over by my car. I was starting to have a really good feeling about this box that had been there without me knowing. The bin had written on it:
'Office Stuff'.
As soon as I read where the bin had come from, I was getting really excited. I opened up the bin and inside was a small cardboard box... so I opened up the small cardboard box and there was this long red box. As soon as I saw that long red box, my heart danced and I opened it up. Here is what I saw. :)
I have been on cloud nine ever since. It has been a great day and I have one less worry and stress on my mind. It has been a worry weighing me down for months... and it feels good to be able to remove that weight from my shoulders. Only a few people know of a very special experience I had with our rings in that first year after Aaron passed away. I will not share it now, but I have had an experience with our rings that definitely helped me to feel Aaron close and helped me to know he was around us. So, these wedding rings are more special than I can even explain.
I am grateful for this answer to my prayers and I am so grateful that we are able to ask for special blessings from a loving Father in Heaven... and He hears us. I am grateful for the help to find our rings. Prayer works!
* * * * stutter: (verb) to speak in such a way that the rhythm is interrupted by repetitions, blocks or spasms, or prolongations of sounds or syllables, sometimes accompanied by contortions of the face and body.
A few months ago, I noticed that Aaron Jr. was starting to stutter a little bit. I have tried not to worry about it because so many people have told me that kids usually grow out of it. When Aaron is struggling to get his words out, I have waited patiently for him to get his word out. I have pretended not to notice so that he doesn't feel like there is something wrong.
His stuttering seems to be getting worse. Only recently has he began to have the slight contortions of his face while he tries so hard to get a word out. But last night, for the first time that I have seen... he finally began to give up when he just couldn't find his word.
He was getting caught on the word 'can' when he was trying to ask me something last night. After trying to say it for about 30 seconds or so... he seemed disappointed and he finally said, "I can't tell you." I told him to try again and I got his attention looking straight at me and he tried again.
So he did try again... and after trying again to get the word 'can' out... he finally gave up on that word and in a frustrated voice he said, "Tell me I can ride my dark blue bike tomorrow."
A few minutes later, he started trying to ask me something again and was getting caught on the word 'can' again... so this time he switched words and tried getting the beyond the word 'I' and said 'I' over and over and finally got frustrated and asked me, "Can you tell me something?" trying to get me to finish his sentence and tell him what he was trying to say.
So I told him to think about it and to try again.
That's when he started to cry and said, "I can't tell you."
This exchange broke my heart. I am still trying not to worry too much about it... since people have told me that he will grow out of it, but when it is my own child... I do worry about it. I don't ever want him to be in a position where he feels different than other kids... different in the negative ways... where he feels like something is wrong with him. I do have a nephew who is doing awesome with his speech after struggling with stuttering... so I do have hope.
But, its okay to worry and be concerned as a mother, right? We all want the best for our kids.
Anyone have any experience with stuttering and their kids? I would love to hear success stories or anything you would like to share about it.
* * * * * * * * * I have Arachnophobia. I admit it. I am not ashamed of it. :)
I hate spiders. I hate when I see them, I hate when I have to kill them, I hate being in a room after a spider has been spotted. Then I feel like I have spiders crawling on me after wards. I specifically remember a time in my teen years when my sister and I saw a spider in our room... if memory serves, we were not able to catch it... so we grabbed our pillows and we slept in the living room that night. We just could not sleep in the same room knowing there was a spider on the loose. Even though I am afraid of spiders, in my adult life, I have usually taken it upon myself to kill them when I see them so that they don't get away while I wait for someone to come to my rescue.
Well, tonight I had just gotten done helping Aaron Jr build a big house with his lincoln logs, then I sat down on the couch with a blanket and got all comfortable, and then this is the series of events that followed:
Aaron: Mom, come look at this! (excited & panicked voice) Me: what is it? Aaron: a spider! Me: a spider? Aaron: yeah, a big black spider! Me: oh, i will come and kill it. Aaron: NO, I will!
Then Aaron ran to the bathroom to get some toilet paper. He has witnessed this many times. :)
Me: okay Aaron, pick it up in the tissue, then take it into the bathroom and flush it down the toilet. Aaron: I got it! Me: okay, go and flush it in the toilet!
Aaron proceeded to run into the bathroom and threw it into the toilet, then...
Aaron: it is trying to walk on the water. Me: okay, flush the toilet. Aaron: I flushed the spider down.
Toilet flushes. The spider is gone. Whew!
I asked Aaron later what he thought about the spider getting flushed and he said, 'crazy'.
Anyhow, the whole point of my story is the fact that Aaron Jr has been a hero to me for several years now, but tonight... he became my dragon (spider) slayer as well. I was surprised that he felt brave enough to volunteer to kill this spider. I knew he was brave... but THAT brave? Come on! :)
* * * * * * * * * * * * * First of all, let me tell you how often Aaron Jr talks about his Dad. Every time he thinks something is really cool, he says that his Dad built it or made it... or whatever. It is obvious to me that his Dad is a hero to him based on the way he talks about him. It is brilliant. I try to talk to him about his Dad often so that he feels like he knows him. He seems to feel that way.
Anyhow, Aaron Jr. was pretending to read something tonight and as he dragged his finger across the page under the words he was 'reading', one of the things he 'read' was, "and my Dad is dead. and... ". Then he just went on to 'reading' something different. This is the second or third time I have randomly heard him say that in the last little while... so, I wondered if he was finally ready to talk about it. So far, I have just played it by ear based on when HE brought up subjects that relate to Aaron and where Aaron is.
So, I sat him down next to me and asked him, "If Daddy is dead, where does that mean he is?"
So he said, "Tell me."
I said, "That means Daddy is in heaven. Do you know what heaven is?"
He said, "It makes people feel better."
So I said, "Yeah." and asked him, "Who else lives in heaven?"
He said that I do, then he said the he does... but I told him, "Not yet, but Jesus lives in heaven."
It is interesting that he would say that heaven makes people feel better, because in most of his prayers lately, he prays 'bless Jesus to feel better'.
He was getting antsy by then, so he wanted to play... so I let him go play. It makes me wonder what he will say the next time I ask him where Daddy is though. Because his answer to that question is almost always, "Daddy's at work."
It is surreal and heartbreaking to have to have this type of conversation with our 4 year old son... referring to his own Dad... but, he is a rock... and...
On my birthday, March 1st, a couple of my sisters called me to see if Aaron Jr and I wanted to meet them at the park to play since the weather was nice. So, we went to the park. They had a bag of chocolate covered raisins for me (a favorite of mine right now)... and a bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups for all of us to share. They informed me it was National Peanut Month... so I had to take a bit of this, then hold it for a photo.Happy National Peanut Month everyone!
Here are the kids who were at the park with us...Lily (is she a model?), Michael, Stella, Henry, Angus, Aaron... and Jack the dog lounging in the back of Lori's van soaking in the rays.
*Aaron kept running up this hill and pretending he was skiing down it... like on the Olympics. He even used sticks for ski poles... and fake crashed a few times. It was so funny. *Then he gave me the thumbs up after being so proud of himself for climbing this wall. *Then he made me a birthday cake in the sand.
These are the drawings / paintings that Aaron Jr made for me for my birthday. I LOVE them.The first one he told me was a picture of Daddy with backpack wings on. The other one is a lot of things I think, but one thing he told me was that part of it was of Daddy fishing. Then the third one is obvious... his hand prints.The one of Daddy with backpack wings on... I don't know where that idea came from, but I thought it was so sweet. I will treasure it. I love this kid.
That night, my mom made a cake and some of my family came over to celebrate with cake and ice cream. Then on Sunday, the Harkness side celebrated with dinner for me. It was a good birthday... and I am grateful.
The Saturday after my birthday, I took Aaron Jr to Salt Lake. We did some fun things together that day... Clark Planetarium, Temple Square and dinner. It was a beautiful day and we had a lot of fun.
We went to the visitors centers. Aaron saw the Christus... I am pretty sure for his first time. Its so beautiful.
We went up into the Joseph Smith Memorial Building to see the temple from this view. IT is so beautiful as well.
I loved this flower... had to take a photo. You can see that spring is trying to show up... I love that.
And here we are. Gotta love this view of the Salt Lake Temple. It is gorgeous. We had a great day. Thanks to EVERYONE for birthday wishes and gifts... and LOVE. I felt very special because of those who love me.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * My sister and I were chatting online tonight about a certain song that is an emotional song when listened to in the right setting. After she went to bed, I was trying to think of artists that I have loved in the past so I could look up some of their songs and the artist Sissel came to mind.
Back in 2005 or 2006... Aaron and I attended a Christmas concert with his sister April and her husband. The concert was Sissel performing with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. It was an amazing concert. Sissel is from Norway, and because most of the Harkness family ancestry is from Norway, they feel a connection and wanted to see her in concert. So, we went. It was an amazing concert. At one point in the concert, she sang a song called 'Like An Angel Passing Through My Room', which was originally recorded by ABBA, a band who I grew up LOVING... so when she sang that song, I was in heaven. She sang it beautifully.
Sissel After the concert that night, we went to meet Sissel and buy a CD for her to sign for us. It was this CD with that song on it (pictured above). She was a beautiful and really kind lady and I will never forget how excited Aaron was to meet her. It did not seem like Aaron's type of music, but he loved it. Interesting thing is... as I have been looking for our wedding rings this week, I came across this exact CD that Aaron bought for us and that she signed for us when we met her. It made me smile. Well, tonight when I thought of Sissel, I googled her name and that song and I found this recording of it. Supposedly this recording is from one of the concerts Sissel did with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir... so I sat here tonight listening to this song over and over and over... with tears streaming down my face. Because the song was bringing me to tears and making me feel these emotions, I just kept repeating it every time it ended... I loved the memories the song was bringing back... and I just love the song in general. If you have time... listen to the whole thing, it is so beautiful. Click on it below: OR... I have it playing on my playlist right here on the blog. The words just went so perfectly with how I was feeling tonight. Like An Angel Passing Through My Room
Long awaited darkness falls Casting shadows on the walls In the twilight hour I am alone Sitting near the fireplace, dying embers warm my face
In this peaceful solitude All the outside world subdued Everything comes back to me again In the gloom Like an angel passing through my room
Half awake and half in dreams Seeing long forgotten scenes So the present runs into the past Now and then become entwined, playing games within my mind
In this peaceful solitude All the outside world subdued And it all comes back to me tonight In the gloom Like an angel passing through my room
I close my eyes And my twilight images go by All too soon Like an angel passing through my room
In this peaceful solitude All the outside world subdued Everything comes back to me again In the gloom Like an angel passing through my room
I close my eyes And my twilight images go by All too soon Like an angel passing through my room
I needed to feel these emotions tonight. Even now as I type this out, I am listening to it again... and loving it. I am so glad I remembered this song tonight and was able to listen to it over and over while I let myself feel the emotions. I am missing Aaron a lot and I needed something to trigger some happy memories and raw emotion with some tears. Don't we just need that sometimes?
Just like the song talks about... whenever I seem to need to have memories and emotions come to me, they seem to come... 'like an angel passing through my room'.
This is a photo taken at Aaron's funeral. I cropped it way in to focus on our rings. For a while after Aaron died, I wore his wedding ring next to my wedding ring. I would have kept wearing it longer, but it was so big on my finger, it kept falling off. So, I took it off to keep it safe. I write about this now because this is my way of journaling and this is something that has been worrying me and has been on my mind for months now. Well, when we were moving our stuff out of our house, I happened to have Aaron's ring and my ring in this little canister for safe keeping. As things were being taken out of our house, the canister got moved and I have not seen it since. My hopes, of course, are that one of my family members who were helping us move grabbed it and put it in one of the last miscellaneous boxes to be taken out to the truck... but this hope has not helped to calm my worried mind. I went to all of the boxes that I thought the canister could be in, and it was not in those ones... so I got even more nervous. There are still many boxes to go through, but most of the other boxes were packed way before that last day, so I am getting so scared that I won't find them. Going through all of these boxes has been a task that is a little overwhelming to begin. Once I go through the boxes, I will not only be searching for our rings, but I will also finally be deciding the fate of so many of our things... so many of Aaron's things... I have put this off so far because of not feeling ready, but I want to find our missing rings. So the task of finding the rings is going to win out. I feel a pit in my stomach and they are on my mind constantly. What if something happened and the canister is nowhere? I keep pushing this thought out of my mind, but it comes back all the time. I have been praying so hard that once I start going through the other boxes, I will find them... here's to hoping for a miracle.
I wanted to share a sweet story of Aaron Jr that goes along with this. I was talking to a couple of my sisters the other day about this and I broke down crying to them both about our rings. While I was crying, Aaron Jr asked if I was missing Daddy. I told him yes. After that, to try to take my mind off of it, my sister asked me if I 'wanted to go to Dick's' (which is a grocery store here in town called Dick's Market). As I was sitting there with tears streaming down my cheeks, I looked at her and laughed and told her that was exactly what I wanted to do right then. Because it got me to laugh, Aaron Jr was glad and, not knowing what 'Dick's' is... he assumed that word was why I laughed... so out of nowhere, he just said the word, "Dick's"... and that was it. As soon as I knew why he said it... I laughed and pulled him up onto my lap for the biggest hug and kiss. Then he asked me if I wanted him to sit on my lap? I said yes and just held him tight for a minute.
See how much joy this sweet boy brings to my life? I hope I am bringing joy to his as well... I am trying, but sometimes I feel like he is doing way more for me than I am for him. He is a treasured blessing in my life... and I love and adore him with all of my heart. I thank my Father in Heaven every day for him.
Ode : pronounced 'Odie' ... :) This is a posting full of photos that I love... I would not be me if I did not include way too many photos... again. Aaron just looked too cute in all of these photos. :) These were more photos from February.
Stella & Aaron Jr.
Big Hugs. Whenever Aaron went out of town, Ode would get depressed and he would not eat. When Aaron got home each day, he would be waiting by the door and was always so excited. Ode was loyal to Aaron. You could tell that Aaron was Ode's best friend and he loved Aaron so much. Aaron also loved Ode so much. Aaron often talked about Ode being a child of his. He loved Ode so much that when we were at the Snake river one time, there were dogs running loose and some were getting pretty close to some cliffs by the river. It was a dangerous area and I asked Aaron what he would do if Ode were there and if Ode fell in. Without even thinking, he said he would jump in after him. It was not even a question for him. Aaron's love for Ode made it so it was very easy for me to fall in love with Ode as well when I met him. Because of this bond between them, when Aaron passed away, I was sure that Ode would not survive long because this time, Aaron would not be coming home. Not only is Ode at least 13 or 14 years old, but he has also almost completely lost his hearing in the past year... so, I am surprised he is still here, but of course we are so happy he is still here. He seems more sad these past couple of years than he seems happy, but we love him so much. He brings a lot of joy to us and a lot of joy to the rest of Aaron's family.We sure love him. Thanks to Aaron's parents for giving Ode a home now since we cannot right now. They love him and he loves being there.
Sheila
Sheila : pronounced 'Shayla' ... :) I am not sure why Aaron picked to use spellings that did not go with the pronunciation. :) It's kinda funny.
Elise & Aaron Jr.
More Big Hugs. Sheila and Aaron also had a bond. Aaron went all the way to Oklahoma with his friend to get her. His friend Austin also got a horse on that trip. When Aaron first got Sheila, he told me that she had not been ridden for a long time. She was a hyper horse and was difficult to control at first. He would not let me ride her when he first got her because it made him nervous and did not feel it was safe enough. Aaron had been around horses so much... he was a pro from the first time I saw him with her. The first time I saw him ride her, I was amazed at the control and the speed at which he was riding her. I had never seen someone ride a horse that fast in real life. It was exciting. One thing Sheila has always loved to do ever since Aaron got her was RUN. He could tell that she just loved to run. It was almost like she was bored just walking around. After Aaron passed away, my brother in law John had a vet come out and take a look at her. When he was looking inside her mouth, he found a number tattooed in her mouth, so the vet said that she must have been a race horse at one time. It made total sense. She is so fast and the love she has for running... it just made sense. Aaron loved Shayla and you could tell they had a mutual respect for each other. I think that is why Aaron was so good at his job at the ranch for troubled teens. He was an equine therapist there... he adored that job. We love Sheila. Thanks again to John and Lisa for taking her for us. She is loved and cared for very well.
This is actually the day that I saw Aaron ride Sheila for the first time. I was on his friend Justin's horse. But Aaron amazed me with the speed he and Sheila had. I loved it. And there is Ode between us... always loved chasing after them.
Aaron Jr LOVES this dog and this horse. He feels such a bond with these animals. I'm sure it is because they remind him of his Daddy. He talks about them so much. We love them.
* * * * * * * * * * The month started out with us in Oregon. But we posted that fun trip already... so moving on...
We flew home on the 5th so that we could attend the baptism of my nephew, Zach. Here he is with Aaron Jr after the baptism was over. What a special day.
I went in to check on Aaron one night and that evening he had put this dog and ball up by his bed. Aaron found that stuffed dog with some stuff that had been packed away when we moved... that dog was one that my sister Lisa gave to him before he was even born. When he was little (littler), he LOVED that dog and he had to have it to go to bed at night. He was pretty attached. So, I guess when he found it again... he decided that it could sit there between the wall and his bed and watch over him. It has been there ever since. But that little ball has not... :)
Aaron with his grandpa (my dad) and his cousin Evelyn. He adores Evelyn. Oh and I had to include this precious photo of Henry in his 'paper boy hat' in the upper left corner.
I was privileged to attend another spelling bee for my niece Caroline. Remember she won her school spelling bee in January? Well, she qualified in this spelling bee to move on to the county bee which will be held in March. She is quite the little speller. Congrats Caroline. Can't wait to watch the next spelling bee.
I was babysitting Stella and Angus one afternoon and they were playing with Aaron and they found these glasses among Aaron's toys. I had to get a photo of each of them wearing them... of course.
For the past three Valentines Days, Aaron's parents have hosted a Valentines Party for the grandkids the Friday before Valentines Day. They plan games and have candy and movies and just show the kids a great time. Adults are not invited, so the kids get to have their own party with Grandpa and Grandma. This is how Aaron wanted to show up to the party. He is sporting: a shark shirt Spiderman gloves a Stitch hat and a little cooler bag with some snacks and toys inside... whatever he was obsessed with that day.
He looked RADICAL. HAD to snap a photo.
Since Aaron Jr was occupied, I found some things to do that evening. I spent the early evening with Kerianne at the gym. We took our time. Worked out, then sat in the hot tub and swam a bit. THEN, we went and got Keva juices. Mmm... Thanks for being my date that night Kerianne.
After that, I went over to Lisa's house. Her husband was out of town, so I kept her company that evening until it was time to pick up Aaron. Thank Lisa for letting me keep you company. :)
Aaron Jr and I were also privileged to attend a play at the elementary school. These are three of my nephews and one of my nieces who were in the play. The play was called 'You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown'. It was SO cute. Aaron Jr was completely captivated through the whole thing. Everytime the lights went low for them to set up a new set... he would turn to me and say 'again, again.' I would assure him there was more and he was so happy. You did a great job, Thomas, Jack, John, and Emily. We LOVED it.
Amy, Kerianne, Rori, Leslie, Allison, Marilee, Kaylynn We missed those of you who could not make it, but this was a fun outing with friends to dinner and a movie. It is always fun getting out with the gals. Thanks gals.
Aaron Jr and I taught the lesson for Family Home Evening at my parents house. This was Aaron's first time helping to teach the lesson. We put on a little skit about kindness. He had fun. Can you tell?
And last, but not least... don't ask me why... but Aaron had been completely obsessed with pretending EVERYTHING is a mustache lately. It is so funny... these are just a few things he has shown to me as a mustache when I have had my camera handy. It has cracked me up. This kid is so funny. In these photos, he is using pretzels, an apple slice, a popsicle stick. He has used the most random things... :)
And if you are wondering if he still ate the pretzels that are up his nose acting as a mustache... the answer is YES. He ate them and I let him... and laughed about it.
Let's hope Spring comes on soon... we are SO ready!
