Elf on the Shelf

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My friend, Lisa, gave us an 'Elf on the Shelf' at the beginning of December, so Aaron and I had fun together figuring out each day what our Elf would be caught doing. Thanks Lisa. It was fun.

Here are photos of what our Elf was doing December 1st through December 25th and the captions are what I wrote each day on our facebook Elf group page.

 Aaron decided that our Elf would be named Aaron like he is named after Daddy and then the Elf is like Aaron Jr's son.

So, introducing Aaron the lll.

He decided to go for a JOY ride on Aaron's new skateboard.

Getting in the car to go to church this morning... he gave me a fright.

He doesn't even have a learners permit.

Silly Elf.

 Aaron lll has been a little obsessed with our fish today.

Don't ask me.

 Ok, our elf was extra naughty today and he was in disguise to try to escape a time out.

I can't be fooled.

 Aaron lll wanted to take a peek.

 Aaron lll asked Aaron Jr to teach him how to shoot,

I'm a little skeptical about what he's up to.

Why does an elf need to know how to shoot?

 Aaron Jr introduced Aaron lll to angry birds Christmas version.

He's a little obsessed now.

 A little late today.

Aaron lll is helping me prepare my relief society lesson for tomorrow.

 I was filling up the washer to wash some jeans and colored clothes and I found our little elf getting ready to pour in some bleach.

Good thing I caught him... I was having flashbacks of acid washed jeans from the 80s. 

 

Aaron Jr wanted Aaron lll to join us for prayer tonight.

 Found Aaron lll literally rolling around in the money from Aaron jr's piggy bank.

 Our Elf is getting pretty brave to try the firefighter pizza at Pizza Pie Cafe today.

Whewee!

 Aaron lll is helping Aaron Jr wrap presents tonight.

 Our Elf was nervously watching out into the snowy night wondering if we would make it home safely.

Whew! We did.

 Aaron lll is sewing a pillow for us for Christmas.

 Aaron Jr desperately wanted a photo of Aaron lll in our tree, so here you go. :)

 Our Elf sees how much Aaron hates to do his homework,

so he wanted to help out a bit. Thanks Elfy.

 

 I was too lazy to think of something tonight,

but didn't want to miss a day,

so here is my photo of our Elf taken from my recliner.

He's just chillin'.

 Aaron lll wanted to play monopoly junior with us today.

He's pretty greedy, even with monopoly money.

 

I found Aaron lll telling himself his daily affirmations in the mirror.

'I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and people like me.'

It was a little awkward when he saw me watching him.

We promised never to speak of it.

(I had my fingers crossed.)

 Our Elf met Molly for the first time today.

She is here for Christmas.

Molly took him for a ride.

  

Our Elf was feeling neglected because I forgot about him yesterday,

so he took a self portrait of himself with Santa.

Just found it on my phone today.

 And then today playing Peek-a-boo with our fish, Bluin.

 Aaron lll read to us from Luke chapter 2.

 And last, but best of all...

Our Elf wanted to hold baby Jesus today in honor of His birthday.

Merry CHRISTmas everyone.

 Aaron Jr and Aaron lll Christmas evening.

Good night.

* * *

Happy 7th Birthday, Aaron Jr.

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This is the invitation I made for Aaron's birthday party.

This is a photo of him and his first experience with surfing

when we went to California last year.

 I love this photo.

 

 Aaron's '15 minutes of fame'.

 

 

 

These are the decorations that Aaron made for his party.

Aren't they sweet?

We invited more kids that I had originally planned to invite,

but having it at Pizza Pie Cafe in their banquet room made it possible.

The kids had fun and Aaron felt special.

Here are all of the kids who showed up to the party.

Cousins, friends from school, friends from church. 

They brought him some really thoughtful gifts.

This was our own little celebration for Aaron's birthday.

Just Aaron and me.

These are some candles that Aaron had been wanting to use for this birthday.

He had saved them.

They burned so quickly... but they were cute.

Make a wish.

We grabbed some new candles for another photo.

I don't remember why, but I don't mind another photo of my sweet boy.

Happy Birthday to my ray of sunshine.

Aaron, you are my world.

I love you.

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Random November ~ 2012

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 Yep, you read that right...

I am finally beginning my 'catch up' on my blog.

Its been a long time coming...

I hope I can stay focused and get it done.

This was election day.

Aaron voted in school.

I voted for real.

We voted for Mitt Romney, but sadly, he did not win.

We were SO sad.

Look how tall this single long stemmed rose is...

This is what it looked like the very next day!

Cute boy.

We had an amazing snow storm. Wowee.

My parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.

Wowee again...

We love you, Dad and Mom.

Aaron got to have a cookie monster all to himself at Pizza Pie Cafe. Mmm...

Aaron and his toys. So cute.

This was in someone's front yard in anticipation of Christmas.

So neat.

Sunset that I was watching in my side mirror from the car.

So beautiful... but you can't tell here.

 

Nativity at the Temple. Christmas is coming...

Aaron and his cousin, Susie... all dressed up as Princess and Prince.

I was impressed that Aaron let himself get talked into dressing up. :)

Not sure why they have sad faces.

 In our new BYU shirts.

He's sick of photos.

Aaron and his sweet cousin, Sophia. She loves him.

Aaron's gingerbread house.

Leather bracelet that I made for Aaron.

Leather bracelet that I made for myself.

This is the group of widows that I get together with once in a while.

We laugh together A LOT. It is so great being around women who understand the loss that each of us has experienced. They are amazing women. This particular day, we got together to make leather bracelets while we chatted about life.

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Random Thoughts

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I cannot believe how crazy it has been since my computer crashed back in January. I finally started getting photos together again to post. I need to catch my blog up... it is on my mind daily and once I get that done, it will be a huge relief. School is out this week and once it is over for the summer, I plan to get my blog caught up. I do wish I had been writing on here more often even though I didn't have photos to share yet.

Life has been so busy. School for Aaron, work for me. Aaron has had an interesting year at school. He had some issues with a certain boy in his class... I am hoping it is resolved. There haven't been any problems lately and what a blessing that has been. I am more happy when my boy is happy. I am praying that next year is a great year for him. This year he learned so much. He went from being able to sound out some small words to being able to read almost any word that is put in front of him. It has been wonderful watching his mind expanding and being excited about all of it.

I became a first time aunt at age 11. I now have 45 nieces and nephews on my side of the family. Well, yesterday, I because a first time GREAT aunt when my oldest nephew and his wife had their first baby. They had a girl and named her Jane. She is sweet and adorable... and I cannot believe I am a great aunt. What?! I had such mixed feelings about it all yesterday... I was so excited for a new little baby to join our family and so happy that mother and baby came through it safely... but I was also feeling very baby hungry. (as if that is news to anyone :). I am so happy for my nephew and his wife. My parents are GREAT grandparents and my brother and his wife are a grandpa and grandma. WOW.

On both sides of the family, there are 7 kids that were born in 2005, Aaron being one of them. They are all turning 8 years old this year. So far this year, there have been 4 baptisms, one of which was this past weekend. With every baptism this year comes some anxiety about Aaron's baptism. He will be the last one of them to get baptized this year. The anxiety comes from wondering who will actually baptize him. I had hoped to be married again by now and Aaron's new dad would be the one who Aaron would choose to baptize him, but nope. I know in the end it less important who performs the baptism and it is more important that the baptism happens at all... but Aaron has watched and will continue to watch each of these cousins get baptized by their dads this year. So that tugs at my heart. He said to me last week that he wishes that Daddy was here. Then the other night, I asked him what some of his wishes are and one of them was that he wishes he had a Dad. He knows what he is missing. I hope he gets a Dad someday, someone to bond with, someone to look up to, someone to teach him how to be a great husband and father. Someday.

(if anyone out there knows of a great LDS guy in the right age range with the right morals and character, send him our way. :)

I found this draft post that I had never posted and figured I would include it here in this random posting. I wish I could remember when I typed it out, but I think it might have been back in April:
~So, on the way home tonight, I was sidetracked and then began hearing bits and pieces of the poem 'star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight'. By the time I was paying better attention, Aaron finished his choppy version of the poem and then while he was staring at the brightest star in the sky, he said 'I wish for a brother and a sister'. (on his second time through the poem, he asked for a brother and a sister and a dad). My heart breaks every day for my sweet boy. I hope he gets what he prays and wishes for someday. I sure love him.~

Tonight, I watched a movie called 'The Impossible'. It is a true story about a family who was caught in the tsunami in Thailand. WOW. As I watched the movie, I was moved over and over by the experiences of the mother and her oldest son. I couldn't help but put myself in that mother's situation and I kept feeling powerful emotions about what she might have been feeling as she experienced that with her son. It made me cry over and over and over. That mother and son helped each other survive. I cannot tell you how many times Aaron Jr has done that for me. He has been my hero so many times in this journey through grief and sorrow. He has been such a super hero in my life. Since I last wrote, I have been doing better more often. I have had a couple of difficult days where tears were shed, but my dark days are just that, dark days... instead of dark weeks. My sweet boy is one reason and another reason is Jesus Christ. He is my light. I'm so grateful for my blessings.

My blog. I have missed writing on my blog. I have missed it very much.

There is so much more that has been going on these months, but as I get my photos ready to post, I am sure there will be many stories that I need to share that will go along with those photos. I look forward to sharing them and catching up on my blog posts.

Until then...

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'From the Shadows into the Glorious Sunshine'

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I cannot believe it has been a month and a half since I posted on my blog.

I mentioned a couple of posts ago that my hard drive crashed and took all of the photos I had prepared to blog in order to catch up on my blog posts. My brother used a program to salvage anything he could from my hard drive, but sadly, a lot of the photos were corrupted. I am hoping I had them all backed up on my external hard drive or still on my camera compact flash. I have been going through all of the files and folders that were found and the next step is to go through both places and make sure I have them all somewhere.

I am hoping and praying to get everything caught up and all of my photos caught up on here. It is stressing me out not having my blog caught up. This is my journal.

Since I last posted, I had my birthday on March 1st and we celebrated Aaron's birthday at the cemetery on March 29th.

March was a tough month for me. I think life is full of roller coasters with emotion. Beginning with my birthday (which I didn't want to have), I had a few weeks of rough waters. I was in a dark cloud and I couldn't get out of it. Every year when I turn another year older, I get really down because the older I get, the number of kids I will be able to have in my life goes down. I just really want life to be progressing towards what I want... husband (father for Aaron Jr), more children (siblings for Aaron Jr).

After a few weeks of that, my mom told me again that I need to be grateful for the blessing of having Aaron Jr in my life. I knew she was right, but I still couldn't shake the cloud. One night, as I was praying, I cried and realized that I had been acting very ungrateful for my blessings... and that I was not enduring my trials very well. I knew that I needed to be a happy mom for Aaron Jr and I knew that I needed to be a more grateful daughter of my Father in Heaven. He has trust in me that I can handle what I have been given, good or bad... and I know that I need to prove that I can be faithful and cheerful even though life is not what I had expected or hoped it would be at this time in my life.

I stupidly did not write down all of the inspiration I received during my prayer that night and I have forgotten a lot of what I felt and what I learned that night during that prayer. I need to be better about writing things down and I hope the Lord will remind me of those things so that I can write them down.

Ever since that night, I have been having better days. I am looking forward with a brightness of hope.

I taught a lesson in Relief Society at church this past Sunday.

It was called "Faithfulness in times of trial: From the Shadows into the Glorious Sunshine"

by Lorenzo Snow.

It was an amazing lesson. You can read it HERE.

Preparing this lesson came at a perfect time, just when I was coming out of that slump.

I have always loved the sunshine and light, so I was grateful to have some wonderful words of wisdom to read and remind me that the Savior is my sunshine and my light.

I sing 'You are my Sunshine' to Aaron Jr all the time, so I asked him if he would be willing to sing that song during my lesson to all of the women. He agreed, but I wondered if he would go through with it. Well, at the end of my lesson on Sunday, my mom went to get Aaron out of his Primary class and brought him in and he walked to the front of the class and stood there at the microphone and sang 'You are my Sunshine' for all of the women. It brought me to tears. I was so proud of him. I told the ladies that when I sing that song to Aaron, of course I am saying that HE is my sunshine, but as I prepared this lesson, I kept thinking about that song and I was thinking about how Jesus Christ is our sunshine. So, that is what I hoped they had in their minds as it was sung.

You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy

When skies are gray

You'll never know dear

How much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away.

Aaron was so brave and he sang it so sweetly.

I will never forget those moments when he sang that song for me.

I love my little boy.

* * *

Conversations with Aaron Jr.

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I have some thoughts I want to make sure I 'write down'.

Is there anything more wonderful than listening to your child talk about something that is important to them?

I have been dedicating more time to really listening to Aaron. Throughout these years of his life, I know there have been way too many times when I have said 'uh huh' or 'wow' without truly listening to the words he is saying. But when I realize I am doing that and feel guilty for it, I always have to ask him to repeat himself. So, I have been trying harder to truly listen to what he has to say... and you know what? I love what he is saying. I am getting to see Aaron's language skills growing and developing and he is getting better and better at having a conversation. I am also seeing how clever he is. He makes me laugh so hard every day. He is a clever and interesting boy and I love hearing what goes on in his head. I love it.

After talking to his teacher a while back, she gave me an idea and I have been implementing it ever since. When Aaron and I are eating dinner together, I make sure the TV is turned off and I ask him what the best part of his day was. His answers are sometimes so simple and I love hearing what he considers to be a really great part of his day. Then I ask him what the worst part of his day was. His answers to that question make me sad sometimes because I don't like hearing that anything happened that was not wonderful. Having this conversation with Aaron regularly has helped me get to know my son better. I love asking him questions about his day and hearing what his perspective was on his day. I love hearing his sweet voice telling me things because he wants me to know them. He wants me to be interested. And I hope he know how interested I am. I love having conversations with my son. His voice is one of the most precious sounds in my life.

I need to write down his answers to those questions each day.

As I thought about this tonight, I had a thought strike me and I decided it is something that I need to start doing. Just as much as I love talking to Aaron and hearing what he has to say and hearing about how his day was, I am sure Heavenly Father is also that interested in hearing about my day. I always go through a list of things that I am grateful for and then I move on to the things I ask Him for. Once in a while, when I am having a rough time, I talk to Heavenly Father as though there is a conversation happening... but not often enough. I want to start having real conversations with Him, telling Him what the best part of my day was, and telling Him what the worst part of my day was. I need to share my thoughts with Him. I know I am a daughter of God, but sometimes I wonder if I am being a good daughter of God by talking and listening to my Father in Heaven. He is interested. I know He is. I need to include Him in my life and in the things going on from day to day.

Tonight, Aaron was having a difficult time and I was having to have a 'teaching moment' with him and through tears he cried to me 'I'm having a rough day'. Hearing him say that made me smile inside because it was so cute hearing him use those words, but it also broke my heart because I don't like it when he has 'a rough day'. I want his days to be beautiful and wonderful and full of JOY. After Aaron was in bed, I thought more about what he said and then our conversation at bedtime and when I related that to life, it got me thinking about how as a mother, I really would love to make sure Aaron's days are only beautiful and happy... and I am sure Heavenly Father wishes all of our days could be beautiful and happy without sadness, but He knows better that we need to have those 'rough days' in order to more fully appreciate the happy days. And that without those 'rough days', we would not grow and become stronger.

There is so much I do not comprehend or understand when it comes to our Father in Heaven, but I can say that being a parent myself helps me understand more than I did before. He hurts when I hurt... just as I hurt when Aaron hurts. I know that He wants such wonderful things for me... just as I want such wonderful things for Aaron.

Aaron is so special.

I know I am blessed.

* * *

I Need Light

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I realized today that I am not doing very well with my New Years Resolution of having a clearer perspective.

I guess it lasted about as long as it took to type that posting, ha ha ha. Its not so very funny, but what else can I do but laugh? :) I can rest easy knowing that most New Years Resolutions have probably been broken by now.

After I posted on here last night, I was thinking about the lesson I taught in Relief Society on Sunday and a couple of the quotes by President Snow were running through my head... I figured I needed to read them again and reflect on them a little deeper.

"... in speaking of its effects, the Apostle [Paul] says: “The spirit is given to every man to profit withal. To one is given faith.” (See 1 Corinthians 12: 7, 9) Not a common, ordinary faith, which some people pretend to at the present day; but a faith which enabled its possessors to be sawn asunder, to be cast into dens of lions, fiery furnaces, and to undergo tortures of every description. This was the kind of faith that the Holy Ghost conferred upon those who possessed it, enabling its possessor to stand in the midst of every difficulty, defy every opposition and lay down his life, if necessary, for the cause that he had espoused."

~ Lorenzo Snow

 

"If we keep the light of the Spirit within us, we can so walk in the gospel that we can measurably enjoy peace and happiness in this world; and while we are traveling onward, striving for peace and happiness that lies in our path, in the distance, we shall have a peace of mind that none can enjoy but those who are filled with the Holy Spirit."

~ Lorenzo Snow

Light.

That is key.

Back in 1996, I was a new young single adult and I was sitting in the tabernacle on Temple Square listening to a fireside where President Hinckley was speaking. I wrote down something he said that night that has stayed with me and has been something I try to reflect on when I need to.

He said:

"Wherever the light of Christ enters, the darkness of satan must depart."

~ Gordon B. Hinckley

I know that can apply within us.

When I am going through really rough times, I am letting the darkness of satan get me down and take over my thoughts and feelings, but when I allow the Holy Ghost to comfort me, or the light of Christ to radiate from within, then it pushes that darkness out. There is no way for the light of Christ and the darkness of satan to dwell in the same space. So, when I let my heart be filled with the light of Christ and the peace of His love, it radiates from within and I can walk around feeling like a beam of sunshine. I need to let the light of Christ shine through my countenance so that others can see and know that I love the Lord and that I know He loves me.

I need to try harder.

I need to do better.

I really do.

It sure would be nice to see the sunshine more often,
I also need for Spring to arrive.

I need light and warmth.

My sister posted this on facebook and it hit me hard today, I want it to be here to read and re-read.

"The house is not the family. The wind may tear the roof off, blow out the windows; the hurricane may even sweep the house away; but the family remains, that which makes the home. Nor is the body the life itself. It is but the house in which the spirit lives. Sickness may waste the body, but the true life is the spirit within, the which thinks and feels and loves and suffers and wills and chooses, aspires, and achieves. The purpose of life is to beautify, ornament, develop that something within. To develop a more radiant and lovely character is the true purpose of life." ~David O. McKay

* * *

A New Posting With Not So New Thoughts

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I was going to be in bed 45 minutes ago, but after coming to my blog and seeing that I still have not posted any new photos and that I am not caught up on my blog, it made me sad and I figured I needed to type something so that the hard drive crash is not the latest posting.

My parents got home from their second full time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints a couple of weeks ago. It is really good to have them back. We missed them so much.

With their return, I am reminded that another year has gone by without the changes happening in my life that I had hoped for. The year they were gone was supposed to be 'my year'... it was going to be the year when my dreams would have at least begun to be fulfilled... maybe.

I have been having a hard time with this, but I am trying to just accept it and move forward... again.

With my parents being home and my brother's family coming for a visit from Oregon, there have been more family gatherings lately. I am always excited for those and I enjoy them while being saddened by them. I hate to admit that I feel both JOY and sadness at family gatherings, but it is true. At these family gatherings. I feel the JOY for the obvious reason of loving being with family. I feel sadness because it is a reminder right there hitting me in the face of all of the things Aaron Jr and I are missing out on by not being a part of a bigger family of our own. Don't get me wrong, I am so blessed to have Aaron Jr in my life... he brings me so much JOY, but he and I are lonely. He sees his cousins interacting with their siblings and he wants that so badly... and I want that for him. He sees his cousins interacting with their dads and he wants that as well... and I want that for him. I see my siblings interacting with their spouses and I want that. I see my sisters and sisters in law talking about their families and the things they have in common because they all have bigger families and I want to feel those things in common with them as well. I feel lonely even in the largest of gatherings surrounded by a lot of people who I know love me. I hate feeling lonely, it is such a painful feeling. But I feel it often.

I didn't mean to vent when I started this posting. I almost just deleted all of that, but I guess I won't. I am sure when I read this blog down the road, I will sound like a broken record to myself... but at least I won't have any problems figuring out the desires of my heart during this time of my life.

Aaron's cousin Luke got baptized on Saturday. It was a very special day. Aaron has asked me before who is going to baptize him... I think the first time he asked me was after his cousin Jack was baptized.

Anyway, on Saturday after Luke's baptism, I was driving in the car with Aaron and we started talking about his baptism at the end of this year. When I asked him who he might want to baptize him, he said, "I wish Daddy was still alive to baptize me." My heart breaks every day when we have conversations that are similar to this. He told me last week that he 'wishes Daddy were alive so he could take him ice fishing". A little boy shouldn't have to have those thoughts in his mind. Anyway, he didn't have an answer about who he might want to baptize him. I have kind of avoided this topic because I don't even like to think about the fact that there has to be a choice about who will baptize him. A father should baptize a son. That is just how it should be, right? But it can't be that way, so I had hoped I would be married again by then and Aaron would have a father in his life who he would want to baptize him... but chances are, that won't be the case either. I wonder who Aaron Jr will choose. I know that I need to make sure that day is so special for Aaron no matter what. Whoever he chooses will be one blessed man. It will be such a privilege for them to baptize such a sweet and special boy.

Wow... I didn't know this posting was going to take this route, but there you go. Some of my thoughts over the past few days of being around family and attending baptisms.

My brother's family left early this morning to go home... it was a very sad day for us. We wish they lived closer... when they are here, I hardly even see Aaron because he is playing with their kids for hours on end. We miss them so much when they are not here.

At church yesterday, a friend of mine came to me and told me that I seem down lately. I knew that I felt down lately, but I thought I had been hiding it pretty well. I guess I haven't been hiding it as well as I thought, but I still think I have been hiding it pretty well since she is only the first who has mentioned it to me lately. Sometimes I try to get through my down times, hiding it all the while, then once I reach a time of contentment, no one has been the wiser.

These thoughts are feeling jumbled and like they don't make sense, so I will be done.

I taught a lesson in church to the Relief Society yesterday. The topic was The Holy Ghost... as I reflect back on what was in the lesson materials, I know I need to close my computer and pray for the comfort and peace that comes from The Holy Ghost. I am sure I will feel better after that.

Good night.

* * *

Hard Drive Crash

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So, my hard drive crashed.

I am not sure how much was lost that cannot be replaced,

but I know for sure that there are a whole lot of edited photos on there that I do not have saved anywhere else. They represent hours and hours and hours of work.

My brother Mark is working on trying to recover the files from the hard drive.

I am so grateful for the hours he has put into working on it...

and I am praying that he will be able to recover my files.

Thank you Mark.

I had a bunch of photos ready to post on here, so now I am just waiting to see if the files can be recovered before I start over on editing them.

Please bless...

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