Thursday, November 18, 2010

# 18 ~ Life

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I am grateful for life.

I am actually a little surprised that I am using this one as one of my gratefuls this month. It has been a long time since I have truly felt like 'life is good'... for a while now, I have often thought in my mind that 'life sucks'.

BUT, when I seriously think about life and the meaning of life and count my blessings like I am trying to do this month, I have to admit... life is good more often than it sucks.

After Aaron passed away, I felt like I would be okay to just wither away and go right along with him. I really felt like life wasn't all that it was cracked up to be if I didn't have my husband, the man I loved, right here by my side. It just seemed like life would be easier if Aaron Jr and I could have gone with him. Of course I never would have done anything to hurt myself or to hurt Aaron Jr, but these were real feelings of sorrow and sadness and despair and I have gone through those feelings of sorrow many times since then.

BUT... matter how real those feeling were at the time, and no matter how justified I feel about how I have felt because it has all been a part of my grieving process... I do know this...

Undervaluing human life is wrong... even if it was my own life. It is not my place to desire my life to end sooner than when I have finished my test; sooner than when I have accomplished all that I am meant to do here; sooner than when my Father in Heaven calls me home.

I don't necessarily think it was wrong for me to feel what I felt as I have gone through this grieving process, we feel what we feel at different times of our lives, but I do know that it is up to me to overcome the grief and sorrow and overcome the feelings of despair. Like I said, I don't necessarily think it has been wrong for me to feel at certain times that my life sucks, but I do know that if I go on thinking that way a lot of the time, then it is me who needs to change something in my life or change my way of thinking or expectations so that I can honestly say that 'Life is Good' and mean it. And this is what I am working on... daily.

This life that I am living, though difficult at times, is precious. Each of us have been blessed with a life and what we do with that life is up to us. When I think about all of the things that I have done in my life, ways that I have tried to touch the lives of others, ways that my life has been touched by others... I feel gratitude. When I think of all that I can still yet accomplish in my life, all of the lessons I have yet to learn, all of the experiences I have yet to partake of, all of the joy that I have yet to know, all of the moments that I have yet to spend with Aaron Jr... all of these things make me grateful for each and every breath of life that I am blessed to take.

"I urge all who may have dipped into the fountains of life to respect the divinity inherent in that life and to protect this sacred treasure and its transcending blessings."
~ James E. Faust

Life... it is a precious gift from Heavenly Father... and I am truly grateful for my life, difficulties and all. And to be honest... more often than not these days, I do truly feel that 'Life is Good'.

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The quote above is from a really great talk by James E. Faust. To read it in full, click HERE.

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