Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Sending Our Hearts To Heaven ~ 2010 ...

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Remembering Aaron...

Here are some photos from the cemetery. Thank you to everyone who came out to support and remember Aaron with us. It turned out to be a beautiful day.


Me and Aaron Jr.

Aaron Jr was footloose and fancy free... having a blast in the snow.

Aaron Jr putting sunflower seeds on Daddy's headstone. Sunflower seeds are one of the main memories that Aaron Jr has of Aaron. He remembers him eating them and sharing them in the car with him.








I don't think I have ever shared why I choose red and white balloons each year to release on the anniversary of Aaron's death. Their family has a lot of Norwegian heritage and this woven heart is used a lot in their decorating and it reminds them all of Norway. So, when I was choosing what colors of balloons to release at the funeral, I thought of red and white because I thought it would look similar to the woven heart as they fly up into the sky... thus 'sending our hearts to heaven'. I have really loved how they look as they float up towards heaven. (thank you Sue for picking the balloons up for the event)

My Dad said a prayer, then we Let Them Go...

Watching them go...

Sending Our Hearts To Heaven...

We sang 'God Be With You Til We Meet Again' as we watched them float away.


I stomped this heart into the snow for Aaron.

As we were getting ready to leave, Aaron Jr started looking really sad and walked to the car. When I asked him later what he was so sad about, he went on and on about all kinds of reasons. Being cold was one of them... but he never mentioned anything about Daddy. It made me smile.

BUT, then in his prayer later on, he prayed that Daddy would come back out of the ground and be with us again. I still have a hard time knowing what he is aware of and what he does not comprehend yet. He will understand soon enough though... in time...


Its after midnight now, but I wanted to get some thoughts and photos posted.
This year, this third anniversary, was the most difficult for me yet. I am not sure why. It caught me off guard and I am still trying to figure out why it was more difficult than the first or second anniversary. I am not saying that those first two were not tough... but I think I expected that this one would be easier... and when it wasn't, it took me by surprise.


All throughout this past month, whenever the thoughts would come into my mind about the anniversary coming up, I would push it out of my mind and get busy doing something to keep my mind off of it. I succeeded for several weeks. It is not my usual behavior... I usually let myself think what I am going to think and feel what I am going to feel at any given time. But for some reason, this year, I was holding it in and pushing it away. Well, last week, it hit me really hard. It is probably because I was trying to run away from it and it finally caught up with a vengeance. It hit me HARD... and once it hit me, there was no running away from it anymore. I finally had to face what I had been trying to avoid all month...

So, yes, this third anniversary was tougher and more painful than I expected. Today, I let myself feel it. I replayed the events of that day three years ago over and over in my mind... regrets and all. I cried... a lot. After everyone left the cemetery, Aaron Jr was in the car getting warm, and I knelt down in front of Aaron's headstone and just sobbed. I knew that I needed to feel it... so I felt it. And I am glad I did. It has been a tough week, and today was a tough day... but I am hoping so much that tomorrow looks brighter for me. It has to. Right?

We love and miss you, Aaron... Always...

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8 comments:

Mindy said...

I love the reason you do the red and white balloons. You're still in my thoughts and prayers, Leslie. Love you.

cynphil6 said...

Leslie,
I am glad you gave yourself permission to just feel. It reminded me of a couple of lines from this song. "I don't wanna feel better, I don't want to not remember." I am sorry this year was so hard for you. I hope that you are able to feel some peace and joy this holiday season. I am glad Aaron left you with the gift of Aaron Jr. Merry Christmas. ( :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNyk6ema5AM

LL said...

Thinking about you!
I still remember when Rich called to tell us. I just couldn't believe it....still can't!
xo

Jessica. aka frank. said...

I thought about you a lot yesterday. Your blog, pictures, and thoughts are so beautiful and honoring that it brings me to tears. You are strong, and so lovely. Find ways to express yourself, things that make you happy, which I'm sure you already have some things in mind to do, but "our sorrow is only as deep as our joy" - was a quote I love, spoken at my cousin's funeral by her sister, (my other cousin) that always comforts me. Keep being strong. You aren't alone in grieving over the unfortunate loss of a loved one... it is hard for everyone, but be can lift each other up because of that. you are in my prayers.

cynphil6 said...

The song is "I Will Not Say Goodbye" by Danny Gokey. Sorry the link didn't work.

Leslie said...

thank you, cynphil6. :) . i can't wait to listen to it.

Scott / Lori said...

Sure wish we could have been there. We missed going this year and we were all disappointed. Our loss. We love you and Aaron and you are in our prayers.

kerianne said...

Love that you do this. Awesome pictures, Lisa. Love you, Les.