Friday, November 5, 2010

# 5 ~ Dirty Sinks & Doodling in all the Wrong Places

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Evidences Of Aaron Jr

Today I will share my gratitude for any and all evidence that Aaron Jr is here and is enjoying his time.

So, one night last month, Aaron Jr was in bed and I went into the bathroom to get ready for bed and this is what I found in the sink. He had been painting earlier and came in the bathroom to rinse out the paint brushes. All of the dark stain looking stuff is paint. I am actually grateful for my reaction to it, when I saw it, I laughed. Of course I hoped it would wipe out easily and not leave the stain permanently, but I laughed and felt a sense of joy because it means that I have a son around to even make messes like that. It reminds me so much of finding paint in the sink or in the bathtub after Aaron would be out painting furniture. Miss that.

A few months ago, my sister stopped by with her daughter to drop something off to me. In the few short minutes that they were here, her daughter and Aaron were playing in the dirt and were sent in to wash their hands before they were leaving. A couple of hours later when I went into the bathroom for the first time after they left, the sink and the wall behind the sink and the floor had quite a bit of dirt on them... but I was fine with it. It was easy to clean up and again, it was evidence of a son that I am honored to have as my son.

Now, this doesn't mean I am ALWAYS joyful when I come upon a mess. In fact, quite often, if I come upon Aaron making a mess, I show my disappointment in my face and have him help me clean it up. Sometimes I even put him in time out if the mess warrants it. I am not always happy to find messes from Aaron Jr... but I tell about the two experiences above because that is how I PREFER to react to messes. I wish I reacted that way more often. I too often get annoyed when his toys are all over the floor AGAIN after cleaning them up several times throughout the day. Of course I have him help me clean them up usually, but if he is in bed... I really change my heart as I clean them up because it makes me so grateful to have the toys all over the floor as opposed to the alternative... not having the evidence that Aaron was there and had been playing. Anything that tells me: Aaron Jr is here.

I remember when Aaron was alive and I would find whiskers in the sink while he was at work... meaning he had shaved that morning. Of course, I felt a little bit like he should clean out his own whiskers, but I am glad I never felt mad or upset whenever I came upon that scene and had to clean it up. After he passed away, I remember thinking so often when I went into that bathroom how much I would love to find whiskers in the sink... evidence of Aaron living there and just being there with me.

I came upon THIS one a few days ago. I was cleaning up and looked at the clock to see what time it was and I saw drawing on it. Aaron Jr is obsessed with writing letters and drawing hearts. I wasn't sure what he was trying to draw on this clock so I went in and asked him what he drew on this clock. He said, 'I drawed a heart on it because I love it.' It made me laugh, but then I had to tell him that we only draw on paper and not to draw on the clock anymore. He said okay.

I had planned to make this a really short one today. Sorry. But once I get writing, I get carried away in my thoughts sometimes. So I will sum this up by saying that I am grateful for the evidences of the people I love in my life. Even if the evidences are sometimes not the evidences we want or are thrilled with, I am still grateful for the evidences that show me that the people I love are around me. Because when the day comes that any of those people are no longer around me and cannot leave any evidences behind to prove they are here... I will miss all of the things that made me aware of their presence in my life. Anything that says: {This loved one} was here.

I miss Aaron and I would give anything to find whiskers in the sink, dirty clothes on the floor, sawdust in his pockets when I am doing laundry, paint in the bathtub after he had been painting furniture, dirty socks on the kitchen counter (yes, this happened several times :), any evidence that would show me he is here and is still with me. Anything that would tell me: Aaron IS still here.

So, let's all be grateful for the evidences in our lives of our loved ones being around us.

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Vicki said...

Leslie, thank you so much for that reminder! So often I get a little upset or frustrated at little things that Jeff does, but I shouldn't be that way and I should be grateful that he's still here. Thank you for this post! Love you!

Lisa Carter said...

Well put. I have often thought about how much I would like to follow the "trail of John" through the house like I use to. Its funny how things can annoy you when someone is here with us, and suddenly when they are gone, that thing that use to bug is now so endearing.

I will try harder to love the dirty Dora the explorer panties on the stairs, and the Lego pieces on the floor that I step on in the dark, because you are right. It would be much worse for those reminders to not be there. (I'm going to steal that thought)